Bureaucracy At Its finest

THE DAM

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcementaction..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

D Price

District Representative and Water Management Division. avid L.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.


THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Warning On World Food Shortages

The UN secretary general has warned that millions of people are at risk of starvation as global food stocks have fallen to their lowest levels for decades.

In a letter to a US newspaper Ban Ki Moon warned that shortages are forcing prices to rise which may have devastating consequences for the world's most vulnerable communities
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The most acute effects have been seen in Egypt, where thousands of people have resorted to violence due to shortages of basic food commodities and rising food prices.

At least 10 people have died over the past two weeks, in riots that erupted at government subsidised bakeries.
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The unavailability of basic food products such as bread,.....

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/958CC5D2-638C-428E-AF84-91041B355EF0.htm

More Than The Dough Is Rising

Having owned a bakery for a number of years, I can understand the plight of these guys.

Flour Power Sends Bread Prices Rising

Higher wheat costs will take larger slice out of wallets

Calgarians will soon fork over more dough to buy a loaf of bread as several local bakeries prepare to boost their prices in the face of punishing cost increases.

With soaring global grain prices, bakers have seen their flour expenses grow significantly in the past year.

Wheat contracts hit an all-time high of $25 a bushel on the Minneapolis Grain Exchange, while futures hit $12.15 on the Chicago Board of Trade on Monday.

The situation has led some bakeries to boost the price for their baked goods and stores like Rustic Sour Dough Bakery said Monday they will charge more for bread beginning in late March.

The 17th Avenue bakery's flour costs have more than doubled since last summer, from about $8.60 for a 20-kilogram bag of unbleached white flour to $17.40 per bag today.

"It looks like I will have to bring in an increase," said Jos Rehli, owner of Rustic Sour Dough, who said the increase in white flour alone is costing .....

http://www.canada.com:80/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=876ff8c8-d5d0-4462-8b1c-9d1b82917e51&k=79901

With Age Comes Wisdom

A guy is 65 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couln't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up".

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then, the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Product Labels

You know how books have a table of contents that explains what's inside?
Nutrition labels are sort of like that. They tell you what's inside the food you're eating and list its smaller parts

Food labels were regulated in 1994. Before then, food companies could print their products’ nutritional information basically anywhere they wanted to (and often in really small print).

Deciphering food labels is tricky business. They're filled with lots of multi-syllabic words that border on being impossible to pronounce, chemicals that sound like they could kill you just by touching them and ... much, much worse.

The fact is that they can be misleading.

The nutrition facts label on your favorite breakfast cereal tells you it's full of vitamins and minerals. So it must be healthy, right?
But what if it's also loaded with sugar?

Do you often see labels on foods that say things like "fat-free," "reduced calorie," or "light?"
It's important to remember that fat-free doesn't mean calorie free. People tend to think they can eat as much as they want of fat-free foods.

Fat-free or low-fat foods may contain high amounts of added sugars or sodium to make up for the loss of flavor when fat is removed.

Get the inside facts when you read the label. Reading labels helps you buy products that fit your budget and the amount needed for your family.
It can help you find foods low in saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium.
Also, be sure to read labels for information about calorie, sugar, fiber, protein content etc.

The most important thing is to become familiar with ingredients by consistently reading labels. You will begin to recognize common ingredients and when there is a questionable one, you can research it (which is fairly easy to do on the internet) to determine if it is safe.

S.H.I.T.

Manure...A True Story.
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Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term " S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

Too Much Homework ?

Homework is an accepted part of children’s coursework, starting as early as first grade. But how much is too much?

Homework -- the traditional bane of a school-age child's existence -- is once again coming under fire. Some influential researchers say homework does little to improve a student's academic abilities. Others believe homework is excessive, and doing more harm than good.

The National PTA suggests children in kindergarten through second grade receive 10-20 minutes of homework each night. In grades three through six, that recommended amount increases to 30-60 minutes nightly. In middle and high school, the amount depends on the number and level of difficulty of classes a student takes.

At the turn of the century, homework was actually outlawed in some areas because it was considered child labor. The theory was to simply let kids be kids. But Sputnik and the space race changed everything. Almost overnight, educators were scrambling to fill the "education gap" with the Soviet Union.

Nine-year-old Andrew has so much homework that his stepmother, a teacher herself, says, “at times it is overwhelming.” Every day, including weekends, the fourth grader has at least 1½ hours of work to do. Some days it takes him two hours or more to finish up. Not surprisingly, this workload has dampened his enthusiasm for school.

A retired school teacher is spreading a message most students would agree with – kids in Alberta have too much homework.
“There’s huge amount of stress on families. And I see homework as the icing on the family stress cake,” said Vera Goodman, a Calgary-based author with more than 30 years of teaching behind her.

Some teachers sometimes overdo the work load. All factors need to be considered and sometimes teachers forget to do that.

And for every parent who thinks there's too much homework, however, there is another who feels her child needs more.