Monday, August 30, 2010

Are You Green Bin Material?

Monday afternoon and a bit on the warm side. With humidity its 37C/98F. I was out in the shed for awhile. My wife needed some soldering done on a ring and then I thought I would sharpen my chainsaw. But the humidity was just too high, so I will get back to that later. Sat on the patio with an ice tea instead.

I was looking in the paper for an article I could poke fun at. Then I remembered an ad I saw the other day. The headline read,"We are extending our offer due to overwhelming response." With an opening gambit like that, it's sure to perk your interest, so I read on. The next line said that I would save the 15% GST. This is looking better, I don't have to pay the tax on it. Wonder what it could be? Maybe pizza, maybe chicken pieces, maybe beer? No, it wouldn't be beer. They don't need a sale on beer. That sells anyway. O.K., my interest is perked, time to read on.

"No Down Payment." This gets better by the sentence. "60 month interest free payment plan." Well, its not going to be a pizza or chicken wings. You wouldn't be paying for 60 months unless you bought the farm. Now I really have to read on, after all, overwhelming response.  What did I say about bought the farm?  I guess I was right there. The ad is for funerals.

Do you really believe they had an overwhelming response? What about the 60 month payment plan? How do they get the money? Do I give them post dated cheques or put it on Mastercard? What if the cheques bounce or there is no money in my account to pay the Mastercard? I'm sure relatives would clean out accounts and cancel cards. Would they dig me up and and stuff me in a green bin on the curb? Then I would be compose for your tomatoes.

I was reading the obituary page when I saw that ad. I should have known then. Nothing good ever comes from reading that page. It always seems to me that everyone I knew was always better off than me and was definately a better person than me. You go through life thinking that you're an average joe. Then you find out by reading everyone else's obituary how below average you really are and maybe the green bin on the curb is what you deserve. The alternative would be to write your own obituary or leave your money to a real good bullshitter.

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