Tuesday, December 28, 2010

We Have Snow, Again

Another Christmas, come and gone. Another turkey already gone. It was one of those turkey already stuffed. I think there was more stuffing than turkey. It was all gone by yesterday and I only had one sandwich.

On Sunday night it snowed. Along the coast, we only received a little. Nothing like the eastern U.S. Saw an article from Philadelphia (one of my favourite cities) where they had garbage trucks used as snowplows. I think that is a great idea for a city. Instead of buying a horde of snowplows, to be used whenever, when they buy a garbage truck, it should have a blade attachment. Easy enough to store and a lot cheaper. Thumbs up to Philly.

Even thought it was warm yesterday, we still had to shovel a little. Don't want a buildup of ice. Good idea it was because it snowed a little last night and we would have had ice covered snow.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve has finally arrived. I'm sure the mad rush for presents will go full steam till closing at supper time. I don't have the excitement of opening my presents to see what I have. For me the rush is when my wife opens her presents and I see what I bought her. She has a system of buying her own presents, wrapping them and putting my name on them. This works out well for me as I don't have to go shopping. For her, she can buy what she wants and I can't say anything. After all, it's her Christmas presents.

The forecast is for snow on Monday. Since I just came home from the hospital three weeks ago, there won't be any heavy lifting, which means no snow blower for me. Snow flurries outside right now, at least that's what they call it. In Europe they would call it a disaster.

The doctor called yesterday and made an appointment for my daughter for this morning. Has to check out the foot again, so my son gets to do the lifting. He has taken her for more appointments in three weeks than I've done in a year. This included a trip to the supermarket for her and she even got snowed on. Big excitement. Also, no more bandage on the foot.

Went continental this morning and had a cheese croissant for breakfast. During my European and African continent travelling days, I never had a croissant. Bed and breakfast consisted of dinner rolls with cheese and jam.
♫ Tea, a drink with jam and bread.♫  From "The King And I." Had to put it in there.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

We Have Snow?

Yes, it snowed yesterday. I wasn't expecting it. Looked like about four inches. My doctor says no shoveling snow or heavy lifting for six weeks. Four weeks to go. After two weeks, I am allowed to drive, so I did that. Wouldn't you know, the roads turned to a sheet of ice. Took a few back roads to get home. Braking at a stop sign was slide time. I heard there were a lot of accidents.

Things are a little more painful with me today. Must have run around a little too much yesterday. Better settle down for a few days.

Pulled back the patio door curtains this morning and there was a fur face staring at me. The neighbours cat. Pretended I didn't see him. He has a very bad habit of climbing on the counter, opening one of the doors and licking the butter/margarine.

Later on as I was having my breakfast, my wife says " I let the cat in, you better put a lid on the margarine on the counter." At the word margarine, he tore off to the kitchen. I had to make a mad dash to get the cover on. Who says cats don't understand, they understand just fine, they just don't listen.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


It seems the storm was for everyone else except around here. We had some wind and rain, nothing to get exiceted about. I wrote a story about breakfast and will post it on my other blog.
Since it is so close to the truth, I'll post it here also.

Raisin Bread Toast

Mmm! Morning again. At least I'm on the right side of the grass. With my head still a bit foggy, I hear the sounds of my wife busy making her breakfast. I smell raisin bread toasting. Since we don't climb out of bed at the same time, we have the habit to make our own breakfast. This works out well as no one has to wait for someone and each of us may sleep in if desired.

Today I have been sleeping late. Though I could say, I am not sleeping late; this is just my usual time to get up. Christmas is close so it is probably cold outside. Then I remember, the weatherman calls for a very cold day. My mind toys with the idea I could stay in bed longer. Being retired, I can't exactly say my dance card is full. But no, that's the formula for a bad habit so I best get up.

With this decision the door is opened to my first chore, decide on breakfast. I think breakfast comes off as the worse time in the day. Not breakfast itself, but the chore of having to decide what to eat for breakfast. There are too many choices. I could have a bagel, with many assorted toppings. Maybe cereal, but the choices seem endless. Not bacon and eggs, that's my Sunday treat. Then there's the old standby. Toast, and the jams and jellies for spreading on it.

Obviously my wife has decided on raisin bread toast. I like raisin bread toast, but it doesn't like me. The great taste is replaced with the not so great heartburn and indigestion taste. So, pass on the raisin bread. This disappoints me, as I like raisin bread, especially with coffee. I need another choice and I am starting to lean towards a bagel. At this point I could cheat and have a raisin bagel. But why fool myself; the result would be the same.

I wonder if rich people have this same problem. Do they decide what to have or does someone else make the decision for them? Perhaps all the choices have been prepared and laid out on a table. All they do is pick out what they want. I wonder how many choices they would have. Would they just pick at everything? Would they show concern about all the waste?

What about the predictions I heard when I was growing up? Looking ahead fifty years, they convinced us food would no longer remain as it is now. A roast beef meal they affirmed,would be replaced by a pill. Sure, I take a pill every day, but it's Lipitor, followed by a dessert, like Vitamin C and Omega oil. They were partly right, we do take pills.

Feet planted firmly on the floor, I sit on the mattress edge, pondering my naval and the breakfast menu. My mind is yet to be made up. Still rolling the choices, I walk downstairs and see my wife at the kitchen counter making toast. Easy for her. She doesn't seem to have the same problem as I do.

She greets me with a smile. "Good morning dear. I've made you coffee and raisin bread toast for breakfast."

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sunny And Crisp

Sunday afternoon, beautiful outside. Temp is 1C/34F. No wind. Nine days since my prostate operation, so I'm allowed to go out as far as the patio. It still stings like a bugger.
The operation went well until it came to the part of removing the catherer, at 6:oo AM. It's supposed to be a grab and pull. The grab and pull happened but it didn't come out. The nurse was surprised but not as much as I was. All apologetic, she said we have to do it again. So a harder pull resulted in much more pain and no removal. At this point, she called another nurse for advice. The other nurse says,"Oh, that's the new type. It has a lock on it so it doesn't come out. You have to push, turn it and then pull." Pain worse than the last two tries put together. I laid on the bed, rigid for awhile. The nurse then took my blood pressure to see if I was OK. So, men, some advice. Make sure they know which catherer they're working with.  I'm assuming the fiasco at the end is why it's taking a longer to heal.
When I arrived home, I was first talking in the kitchen. Then I went around the corner to see my daughter in the wheelchair. She had a smile from ear to ear, so happy to see me home.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Cold And Crisp

I told my wife this morning the temp. was -2FC/30F. She said,"Yes, but it's going up to 0C/32F." I guess it's a case of half full or half empty.
I'm house bound for two weeks so it doesn't really matter. I get to put the stamps on my wife's Christmas cards.
Wrote another short story for my other blog. I titled it,"I Told You So." And I have a feeling this has happened to people.
Afterwards I put some more ads into my ads libraries. Yesterday, the Blogger site received 1080 visitors and WordPress received 306. WordPress hasn't been there as long.
Off to spend a glorious evening of TV watching.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It Is What It Is

Had my prostate operation last Friday, came home on Saturday. Enough said about that.
Have to wear pyjamis for a week. Next week, I can go as far as my patio. Third week, I can drive but still limited walking. No heavy lifting for six weeks.
Today it's 2C/34F. At least we don't have the snow they have in Ontario. That's another thing the doctor mentioned, no shoveling snow.
This morning I changed the theme on my Flash Fiction blog. I have another story in mind. Have to get at it.
My daughter had hospital appointments for yesterday and today. I can't lift her in and out of the wheelchair, so my son is taking my place. We're lucky he is here.
Time for lunch. Have to be careful with that. I could gain weight quickly since I do nothing. Oh well, it is what it is.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Wooden Hearts (Fiction)

"Hi Grandma," Stacey waved at her grandmother sitting in the sunroom near a window."How are you?"

"I'm fine dear," the grandmother replied, as her face lit up to see her grand-daughter."It's so nice of you to come and visit me."

"I'm glad to see you Grandma. Have you enjoyed your week?"

"Yes dear."

"What would you like to do Grandma? Would you like me to read you a story or would you rather look at your photo album?"

"I'd like to look at the photo album dear" the grandmother said, wearing a slight smile.

Stacey took out the album and started going over the photos with her grandmother, as she had done so many times before. She recalled for her people and places, hoping to spark some memory. Her grandmother would ask who this was or where was this place. Stacey always gave her an answer, not always correct, since some photos were taken before Stacey was born and not all of the faces were familiar.

They happened upon grandpa's photo and Stacey said," There's your true love Grandma."

"Yes, that's Bill, but he's not my true love."

"What do you mean Grandma? Not your true love?"

"My true love's Roy," the grandmother replied, "Roy Smith. We had planned to get married, but he had to go away to war. Before he left, he carved two hearts on a tree for our initials, L.R. and R.S. He said when he returned, we would be married and he would carve an arrow through the hearts to show them joined. But he never returned."

"I'm sorry to hear he never came back Grandma."

"I don't know if he ever came back. I had to go away?"

"Why did you have to go away."

"Well, my parents sent me away to have the baby. It would cause too much shame on the family for me to stay there. A few years later my parents died. I went back a few times but never saw Roy. The tree was still there with the two hearts. A year later, I met Bill and we were married. He thought my husband had been killed in the war."

"Grandpa Bill is not my grandfather?"

Roy Smith returned after the war to search for Laura. But the family had moved away and no one knew where. He went to the tree and carved an arrow through the two hearts. At the arrow's tip, he carved his phone number.


Stacey walked home, turning over in her mind what her grandmother had said. "No, that can't be true" she thought out loud. "Bill's not my grandfather. Grandma must be mixed up. She is always getting mixed up. I read her a story and a week later, she is the person in the story. Someone must have told her about the two lovers and now she thinks she is one of them. I am sure that's what's happened."

Arriving at a crosswalk, Stacey stopped to check traffic, first to the left and then to the right. Her vision to the right was obscured by a wooden electric pole, on which she saw carved two hearts with an arrow going through them. At the arrow's tip was a phone number.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Life Goes On And Gets Shorter

0C/32F outside. Also in my neighbours house next door. She didn't pay her taxes, house was auctioned off. Whole situation is a mess. Not getting involved.
Bought a new van a couple of weeks ago. It's a 2009 Grand Caravan SE Plus. A friend asked if it had lots of bells and whistles on it. Told him it was a van, not Santa's sleigh. Went to Canadian Tire to get an undercoating the other day. The machine was broke, so got an appointment for Tue. If I lived in Florida for the winter, I wouldn't need it.
My son checked out which one was best. The Canadian military says the stuff which Cdn.Tire uses is the best. So that's the one. Of course it all depends on the person who puts it on. You have no control over that. On my other van, my mechanic checked it out and it wasn't done on the part where the hoist was. Got it redone.
On Monday I have to go to the hospital for a pre-operation check. That is because I'm getting my prostate removed next Fri. Get to stay in the hospital one night.
On Wed. I have to take my daughter to the hospital for an x-ray of her foot.
Thursday has no obligations. Maybe I should take my wife out to lunch. A last supper, sort of. Well, hopefully not the last,last supper.
The day after I got my van, I got a letter from my insurance co. telling me that I need a new oil tank. Ten years old, that's it. Ordered a new one with fiberglass, good for twenty-five years. So that will be the last one of those I will buy. I seem to be saying that a lot in the last few years. Last roof replaced, last furnace, last driveway paving, last oil tank, but hopefully not last van.
A few days after that, got a bill for my licence plates that will expire in Jan. $199.00 for two years.
Haven't written much in this blog lately. Devoting my time to writing in my other blog called Flash Fiction.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Alternate Universe - The File Theory (Essay)

Our alternate universe perception comes from T.V. and movies. Although I have seen these shows, they have never satisfied me with an explanation. So I had to personally come up with one viable theory to this puzzle which I could live with. Enter my File Theory. My idea tells how an alternate universe could actually work.

This theory came around 2 am, my hair all askew, giving me an Albert Einstein appearance. This point alone should have enough merit to validate my theory. Wonder if Albert had the same problem? Would he be solving the world’s puzzles when he should have slept? When I awoke in the morning, I still remembered all I had imagined.

Christianity, the basis for my theory, states God has three persons, Father, Holy Spirit and Son, known as the source, the force and the word. Made in God’s likeness, we also have the source, the force and the word, namely our mind, our heart and our body. God the Father, the source, contains us in his infinite universes. Our mind contains one universe.

From our age of reason we understand God knows the future. We interpret this to mean God knows exactly what we will do, from our birth, on one stream to our death. We forget one thing, our free will. We have to make our own choices. Since we haven’t made a choice, God doesn’t know our future exactly.

So what’s God’s secret? The secret is he knows every possible alternative to the choices we make and what their outcome will be. He sees how our choices affect everything and everybody for all time. Any change, no matter how small will affect all outcomes. But God sees no only our actions, but the actions from every living and non-living thing and sees the subsequent outcomes.

God is a giant filing cabinet. Open up the cabinet and you find a separate file for everyone and everything. Pick out a file and change one item, then every file in the cabinet changes. Every living and non-living thing involved with this item changes. Take a step to the left and everything in all the alternate universes or streams, involved with you, will change. Streams are added or dropped off.

How do you describe a voice echo? You have a sound reflection. How about time echoes? Here, you see something from the past, like a person. Places exist where you always hear your echo. In the same way places exist where you always see your echo, or someone’s echo. Sounds like a ghost, doesn’t it?

What about dreaming? Could this also be an echo? That comes to us from an alternate universe? In your sleep you follow one of these streams. This universe itself no longer exists but the echo remains. The echo you see as a dream. When you dream, you don’t stand on the sidelines and watch. You are the person in the stream. At times this can be very frightening because your streams don’t just show the good results, it also includes the terrible results; this alternate universe or stream is your nightmare.

What about people who can tell the future? Perhaps they grab on to the very first echo, the most likely scenario, the most imagined sequence of possible events. In the dream, they don’t have choices to make. They only follow one stream and once awake they remember where the stream had taken them.

The last thing to cover is death. It goes without saying, when you die in real life, all your streams cease. If the stream predicts your death, the stream will end there. Perhaps dying in your sleep is the result of dying in a dream. The dream may have brought on a heart attack.

An alternate universe isa place you may visit every time you fall asleep but not like a vacation. You don’t decide on the route you will take or the destination. Sometimes you won’t even remember where you have been

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Packing The Wood

Just looking at the airport radar and the big rain is on the way. It's supposed to last for four days. Hearing that yesterday, I decided to mow the back yard. Going at it and when I looked behind me, there was my son with the other mower. So with the two of us, it only took twenty minutes. Hardly any leaves visible now.

My daughter had a doctor's appointment this morning to check out that heel. I was already to go when my wife said she was going to walk over. So, to and fro it was. My daughter will need ex-rays later on this month.

After lunch I went at the front lawn. I use a bag with that mower so it took a lot longer. That bag filled fast with those leaves. Dump out the bag, back and forth. My next job was to clean out the gutters. Got my son to help. There wasn't too much to clean out. If I was doing it, each drain would have been full of leaves.

After that I had my son help me set up a rack on the patio for firewood. Told him I would put the wood there next week. After awhile, I changed my mind and did it anyway. My reward for that is a sore back.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Sunday morning with rain, as predicted. Tomorrow, heavy rain. Most of the leaves are down and all we need now is a few dry days. Enough to finish what we need to do outside. I just remembered that today is Halloween. Kiddies at the door this evening. My wife has made up a bunch of small parcels for them. We are not one of those who turn out the lights and pretend that we are not home. Saw that awhile back, but when they had grandkids started doing the rounds, on came the lights.

My wife is in a happy mood. She saw in the paper that Giant Tiger is opening a store near us. Actually just up the road, in the building where my doctor used to have his office. The doctors built a new big clinic and even took the drug store with them. Get your precription written upstairs and get it filled downstairs.

"Comedians call for return to sanity" read the headline. It's part of that circus they call politics in the U.S. Comedians advising voters? Sounds like the inmates are in charge of the nuthouse. Well, this show will be over in a few days and they will start a new one, which also runs for two years.

Saw an article on necklaces yesterday. They were made to commemorate Canadian artists. The one I liked the best was for native artist Pauline Johnson. Shaped like an eagles feather. Very unique.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A Hand Me Up Laptop

Wed. and raining, the second in five predicted rainy days. An assistance the trees need to rid themselves from leaves. Have you heard leaves don't fall off trees, trees knock them off? They have this protection so snow doesn't accumulate on the leaves and break the branches. Since we have rain for the week, I have to wait to run the lawn mower over them. Chopped into smaller pieces, the leaves may blow away.
Ou new medical card arrived from Sun Life. It eliminates signing forms for each visit to the drug store.

My son bought a new laptop over the weekend which means I get upgraded to a new to me computer. He spent the last few days setting them up and doing all the file transfers. The operating system is different on this laptop which means some learning for me.

"TV needs more normal size" reads an article in today's paper. It appears we don't have enough overweight celebrities. You would have a hard time convincing me to classify overweight as normal. I would say perhaps just the opposite. Trying to convince people otherwise appears shame. Diabetes, knee replacement, heart disease and a shortened life span, the reward.

Just opposite this page I read an article on obese children in Texas. A long, obese children lineup and all I could visualize for them was a life of pain, both physical and mental.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Even Chesterfields Have Secrets (Flash Fiction)

The chesterfield was faded, old, dumpy and now discarded. After faitfully serving for years, it now sat on the curb waiting for garbage pickup. It had lived in an older house, on a tree lined street. Brought to the house new, it had enjoyed many happy years with the family.

The hockey games, birthdays and Christmas. The chesterfield  shared in all. It was there to console people, sick or alone and it was also party to first kisses. Parents or children curled up on its bulk to watch TV.  Pets used it to nap on when alone. Life for the chesterfield seemed perfect.

The people in the house shared not the same feeling. The years as a family member meant nothing. Shamefully tossed aside into the rain, it waited through the darkness for its fate. If only it could speak, what secrets it would tell. Hidden secrets which some people would want to remain hidden. But it also contained some secrets which should not remain hidden.

The lady from the house had passed away. The children had moved away. Now the man from the house, in his senior years, lived alone. Presently, confined to a hospital, he couldn't look after his possessions back at the house.

The man from the house, involved in a car accident, though not serious, had to stay in the hospital for awhile. While laid up, his daughter came to visit him. She would visit him each day and stay at the house till he recovered. Neglected for years, the house needed a good cleaning. So she took on the task and hoped to finish it before her father came home from the hospital.

The old chesterfield, now moved from the living room to the rec room, had reached the age of retirement. A neighbor helped her drag the collapsing relic to the curb. He commented on the chesterfields condition with its many lumpy spots.

Soon the garbage truck came. They grabbed the chesterfield and threw it into the truck composter. The chesterfield tried to scream but no one heard him. "Wait, wait, I have to tell you something. I have a secret. You have to listen, to something very important." But no one heard as it became crushed by the giant door and pushed back into the refuse.

In the hospital, the old man thought about his future. He thought he should do some travelling. No time like the present.  He had worked all his life and saved his money for the last forty years. He thought he and his wife would have financial freedom for their golden years. Now alone, the money just waited for him at home. The old man almost laughed out loud, when he thought about his money pile, all stuffed into his chesterfield.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Halloween Angels (Flash Fiction)

Dearly departed, we have gathered here to say farewell to our dear brother John, who has passed on through the light. As a human, he had weaknesses as we all do, and he sinned as we all have. God has forgiven him his sins, but some restitution still remained, which required some extra time on earth. This time gives the opportunity to make all things right.

As you know, everyone has a guardian angel to protect them. Because John had to stay on earth for a while longer, God gave him the job helping angels protect children. Knowing the importance attached to this job, John went into it with all his heart. Some would say, "in with both feet."

Sometimes John became too involved with his charges. Such as helping them with their homework or telling them where to look for the hidden Christmas presents. At times like these, a guardian angel had to step in and speak to him. But the angels knew John loved the children so much and he would do anything for them.

He protected them at their swimming holes, when they drove their bicycles into the street and when strangers wanted to talk to them. John's last day on the job involved protecting children on Halloween. For children, the most dangerous day in the year.

This year John joined parents, children and their angels. He watched them going from house to house collecting all their goodies. His children's group had a few parents as chaperones. During all the excitement, one child went astray. Her guardian angel and John stayed with her and coaxed her to a bench under a street light. There they waited.

Sometimes small children can see ghosts but not their guardian angel. She liked John and talked with him about the things she liked. John told her he liked ice cream more than anything else. The guarding angel and John knew her parents had started looking for her. And sure enough, they soon saw a police car coming down the road.

When the police car with her parents arrived, they asked the little girl what made her stay on the bench. She told them she spent the time talking to the nice man in the white suit and pointed to John. Naturally the grownups couldn't see our John and brushed it off as a little girl with an imaginary friend.

This kindness towards a child completed John's time on earth. Applause greeted his arrival into heaven.  God said to him, "John, you have done an excellent job, welcome to heaven. And John, have an ice cream."

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Proper Dress and Good Manners

When you awake in the morning, you have no idea where this day may take you. You assume it will start with a coffee, breakfast and the newspaper.

 My wife shows concern for our thirty-seven year old daughter, bed ridden with cerebral palsy, tube fed and having an uncomfortable day. Unable to speak, we have to find out the hard way what problem she may have. My wife has noticed a swollen foot and it has turned black and blue. She suggests a hospital visit and I agree. Our project for the day. Accustomed to E.R. visits, I expect a four hour visit.

I asked my wife if I should wear jeans. Her expected reply was,"definately not." She belives proper dress gets proper treatment. Just to mention a point, when I go to mass on sunday, I never wear jeans. I tell people," when Queen Elizabeth invites them to dinner, they won't be wearing jeans."

Arriving at the hospital, we notice three waiting for signing in and the same for the interview. Four waiting on a doctor. One thing I notice about hospitals, the greeting I get from men in my age bracket. Probably the acknowlegement one receives upon reaching this age. All paperwork completed in twenty minutes and we wait.

Sitting in the waiting room, I notice most patients have a sore foot. Obviously a foot day. I notice two TV monitors. One selected to a channel and the other to a notice board. Children seem more interested in the large fish tank next to the channel TV.

The patients have their entourage with them and I wonder if some have forgotten their meds.

After twenty minutes, a side door opens and a nurse tells us to come in. We see a smaller waiting room equipped like an emergency room. She says,"You can wait here, out from the general population." She tells us her name a few times, so we will remember it. After ten minutes she returns and tells us they have a room ready for us. "You still have to wait your turn since we have seven people before you" she says taking us to a room across from the nurses station.

Later on a female doctor arrives. Wiyh exceptional courtesy, she inquires, checks, discusses and orders a blood test and an x-ray. Two nurses arrive to take the blood test. An aide normally comes to take the patient to the x-ray room. When the aide arrived, the nurse told her everyone would go to the x-ray room and she would accompny us to see all goes smoothly.

Later back at our room, a nurse brought us coffee and bicsuits. The x-ray results showed a small crack in the heel. They decided on a soft cast, the name for a bandage. With this completed, we departed. Time elapsed,  four and one half hours.

P.S. Have I mentioned you should dress properly when you go to the hospital?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Power That Be

Here it is Tuesdaay and the temp. is 10C/50F. There is no wind so it is fairly nice out. Had to do some chores this morning. Go to the bank, cheques in, cash out. Get a haircut. Yes, still have to do that, though not as often. Instead of going bald starting at the top and working outward, it's from the forehead working back. I think you get to keep your hair a while longer that way.

A headline today says, "N.S. Power turning up the heat." For some people that will mean turning down the heat. The upper crust need their pay increases and bonuses.

Remember the saying, "If its not broke, don't fix it?" Personally I think that is a stupid statement. Especially when it relates to the power co. Can you imagine a pole hanging over? No, don't fix it, wait till it drops. That's the American system. If you spend any money, it will be deducted from the bottom line. That's why they have such horrific accidents down there. Don't do their maintenance.

In this way the power co. is. trying to act like Americans. A hurricane will come and knock down the old stuff and that is what they will repair. I certainly don't like that system. A couple of years ago, they tore up our street and replaced all the water pipes. Not because they were leaking, but because they were fourty years old. Now they don't have to worry about those pipes for another fourty years.

Had another chore this morning. To move a mattress from one side of the city to another. Because I have a van that a mattress can fit into, I get to be the go to matress guy. And I was paid for my troubles. After I was finished, I got a cup of tea and cookies. Not too expensive, am I? Oh! I also got to pat the dog. That was networking.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Conversation with My Wife

Conversation this morning:

Jack: "I'm cooking bacon."

Betty: "Not too much."

Jack : "I'm cooking the whole package."

Betty: "6, not more, not less."

Jack: "I'm talking about bacon."

Betty: "I'm talking about tonight's weather."

Monday, October 11, 2010

Eagle Or Turkey? - 34.2 KYesterday was 'Thanksgiving' and today is a holiday. Like our American neighbours, we have the Thanksgiving Turkey tradition. But in my house, not this year. That went out the window. Not the turkey, the tradition. But don't worry. This was not a blatant attack on traditions. It came about because of a problem that had to be resolved and the resolution was to eat the turkey two weeks ago. Not only that, but we ate it on a Thursday. You can't get farther away from tradition than that. Which proves that it really was an emergency.
Two weeks ago my wife went shopping with a friend. Frozen items on sale were too good to pass up and it appears that my wife imagenary freezer is a lot larger than our real one. So out comes the turkey and all is partly right with the world. So after days of turkey, turkey sandwiches, turkey with fries and turkey soup, the turkey is gone. My wife, opening the freezer finds an empty space about the size of a turkey. This won't do. After the next trip shopping, she fills the spot with the Christmas turkey.
We know that the turkey is an American bird. But did you know that at one point in time, it was put forward that the turkey should be the national bird instead of the eagle. I have a hard time imagining that. The slogan "To soar like a turkey," just doesn't do anything for me. I don't think turkeys do much soaring. It would need another slogan, associated with something else. How about marathons? "Join the Boston Marathon and run like a turkey."
And what about the other side of the coin? Dinner. People would say,"Come to my house and have some bald eagle dinner." Just gets you, doesn't it?
This idea of the turkey was put forward by Benjamin Franklin. When his friends heard about it, they probably said, "Ben, go fly a kite." And he did.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Not A Prisoner Of Love

Over crowded prisons. We usually associate this problem with the U.S. So it comes as bit of a smackdown that we are prone to the same problem. What makes me wonder is how we arrived at this state? Has the prisoner rate to the population changed that much? Or is it because of a higher population gives more prisoners keeping the rate the same?
Although I am unable to answer these questions, the fact remains the same. Too many prisoners. Appearing to be unsolveable, the solution appeared to be as easy as falling off a log. There seems to be two classes of prisoners. Some people, not the best and the brightest, get sentences of weekend incarceration only. So the plan was hatched that depending on the amount of beds available for any given weekend, excess prisoners could get to return home after reporting in.
It's a win win situation for the prisoners. They get to stay home for the weekend and it's counted against their jail time. As far as the political parties are concerned, I didn't know about it and it's the other guy's fault. Reminds me when someone drops one in a busy room. "It wasn't me." It still stinks.

If they legalize prostitution in Nova Scotia, all the Johns will be happy, not to mention all the Tom, Dick and Harry's. Maybe the occasional Mary also.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Can Sell My Gold And Buy A Lottery Ticket At The Hospital

At one time hospitals were places you went when you got sick. It was filled with patients and medical staff. But now a hospital is not worth its salt unless it is home to a mini mall. It started out with a donut shop and has steadly grown, indicating that there are more than one type of virus in a hospital. The latest kiosk installed wants to buy your old gold and silver. Just like the TV ads except you don't have to put it in an envolope. You would think that they would come up with something better than that. Maybe they could have a lawyer there making out last wills. How about a funeral home, with samples of coffins? That would be a real eye catcher, wouldn't it? That would look real good next to the donut shop. Think it would hurt their business?

Have you heard about the lottery scam in Ontario? This happened seven years ago and was just deteted now. Seems that a convenience store owner and son failed to give a winner his free ticket. Probably not the first and it was the cheapest way to buy lottery tickets. Just by luck, that ticket won 12.5 million dollars. He gave the ticket to his daughter to claim, keeping suspicion of the store. Strange as it may seem, he was found out seven yrs. later. They lose all the cars, houses and are turfed into the slammer. So far they haven't found the real winner. After all it was seven yrs. ago.
But there is no shortage of honest Canadians willing to help. No shortage of potential prize winners. Claimants for the prize are coming out of the woodwork. "Yes,yes, I'm sure it was me. I remember bringing in a winning ticket that day. What store did you say it was?"

When I go to buy a lottery ticket, there is one thing that irriates me. The lady in front of me purchases a scratch ticket and scratches it at the counter. Not winning, she will buy another, scratch it and continues her annoying habit till she runs out of money. Meanwhile I stand and wait, with my money in my hot little hand, knowing fair well that the winning ticket that should have been mine is now in someone's else's hand.

"The backup camera in your car shows you your accident before it happens."~ J. Sakalauskas

Monday, October 4, 2010

Street Hockey Not For Everyone

Street hockey. Every summer you can expect this subject to be in the pages of our newspaper. And judging from the articles, it certainly appears that they are an advocate of this passtime. But, I am afraid that not everyone is so inclined. This article, like all others brings to our attention the fact that some people complain about it. Kids playing in the street, some neighbours complain and the next thing you know the police are at the door.
In this article, the Minister of Transportation commented that he carried a hockey stick in the back of his truck and that he was going down to that street to see if he could get up a game. Of course he is not going to do that, he's just playing politics. Politicians are famous for making stupid remarks and this is no exception. You do know that politicians are not the smartest apples in the basket, don't you? They just have the art of rambling on with what you want to hear.
I have been on occasion the motorist that comes upon a street hockey game. For the most part children move aside. But there has been times that the children forget who the legal user of the road is. Perhaps the residents of this street complained because of this. Maybe it was the noise. Or maybe it was something that no one ever mentions. The person working nightshift, who gets home at seven in the morning and deserves to be upset about noisy children and irate drivers.
The article also made a big issue about obesity and children's execise. It appears that street hockey is the only summer sport. In my old age, I failed to notice that all the summer sports had disappeared. Since school has started, I'm sure street hockey has petered out. Soon the snow will come and the kids will be inside. You certainly won't see them outside shoveling snow. So I guess you can say that weight loss has to be fun and not work.

"Everyone gets in an arguement and everyone loses."

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Change Of Life

Sometimes with a political system, you have to grab it by the tail and give it a little shake. Just like a mat, it may be full of dustballs. Take Cuba for example, there you may need a vacuum cleaner. It thought it would be the showcase of the communist world. But without the backing of the American Mafia, it soon fell into decay.
Sometime new ideas are just repackaged old ideas. My thoughts on this is that Fidel Castro realizes that it is not working and he doesn't want to lose face by changing it back. Ye old rock and hard place. To stay where they are is at the least standing still if not regressing. How long can those old Chevrolets last?
Enter Raul Castro. Younger brother of Fidel. New plan brother. You do this and you can keep the credit. I have decided that we should be a capitalist country. The Americans will then come in with their money and fix this place up. Good plan Fidel. Give me five. Can I get a Cadillac?
So now the dustballs, furballs, fuzzballs will be all gone. The only thing they will have to worry about is the scumballs. Wait a minute, isn't that the American Mafia? So I guess it is true, what goes around, comes around.
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Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Walk Is More Than A Walk.

While I was doing my walk yesterday, I noticed a caterpillar rushing down the sidewalk. I knew he was rushing because he kept tripping over his feet. This is almost Oct. and this guy is still wandering around. That must have been some party. He still thinks he is a teenager and is missing the best part. Hurry along buddy, your pals are in Florida waiting at the pool.

For me, this was not an ordinary walk. Something else attracted my attention and it just blew me away. One house had a garage door open. The inside was shocking. There was a place for everything and everything was in its place. Hung on the walls or stacked. I can't remember when I saw a garage in such orderly condition. And the biggest suprise shall remain with me for a long time. That person could actually drive his car into the garage.

Most yards are neat and tidy but every once in awhile you run across one that appears like the garbage man dropped off a load rather than picked it up. The exterior of the house has seen better days and the front and back yards have seen too many days. You may wonder if the interior of the house is any reflection of the outside? From my experience, it is like a virus that spreads from room to room. Perhaps it starts in their head.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

♫ Yipee aye ki ya ♫ Git along little dogie ♫

♫ Yipee aye ki ya ♫ Git along little dogie ♫ I want to get back for that big plate of beans. ♫
As often as not, beans remind me of cowboys, chuck wagons and the wild west. Rushing back after a hard day on the range for a plate of beans. I guess it also reminds me of gas. That wouldn't be the kind you use in your car. You know, I don't recall ever seeing beans on a restaurant menu. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Maybe I just don't notice it on the menu or I haven't been in the right restaurant. That brings up the question of what price they would charge for a plate of beans.
Although used in its basic form, beans as a meal has also been moderinized. With a simple addition, you can now enjoy weiners and beans. I also notice that beans have other qualities. They appear to be very good at clearing the room, clearing your sinuses and choking you to death.

Banking For Students

I suppose that you are with me thinking that this generation is the most tech savvy so far. That's what I thought until I read this article. "Bank sites could be more student friendly."  Personally, I never thought that bank sites were a problem. By the way, we are talking about are university students. So I decided to give this some thought. I believe we think they are tech savvy because they have an Ipod or Blackberry in their hand. This is not a big deal. You have to look at them as an upgrade of the transistor radio. All they do is type. And on top of that, they type bad English.
Back to the bank sites. Obviously the banks are unaware of the importance of the McDonalds Happy Face Meal. Although unsoliciated, I will give them some advice on making their sites more student friendly. First of all, you must make much more use of pictures. How can you expect them to read English when they can't spell it. (Actually, bad English was one of their suggestions.)
1. To check your account, click on Barney.
2. To check messages, click on Moo Moo Cow.
3. To pay bills, go to Help Dad.
4. To make a new account, ask Grandmother for help. Because this is grown up stuff.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Nova Scotia Walk Of Fame.

Saw this headline last week. "Latest hurricane to touch down in Halifax." OMG I thought. Well I didn't really think OMG, I thought."Oh My God." I suppose you are Twitter savvy enough to know that. So Hurricane Igor is headed this way. I thought for sure it was way out to sea. So now I will have to batten the hatches and hunker down. Which brings up an old Air Force saying. "Haste Makes Waste." I wasted my time because I rushed over the headline and didn't read at least some of the article. Being better late than never, it turned out that the article was about a football team blowing into town to play one of our University teams. Without Igor, our team was still blown away. May you rest in peace Igor.

I've heard lately about "Walk of Fame." How about a Nova Scotia Walk of Fame?  I think the first inductee should be the Pit Pony. He was a famous star, probably no longer with us. They could make an impression of  pony shoes. Then there could be an outline of a heart and on the other side the hand prints of Ellen Page. They were in the same series together. Not to take anything from Ellen Page. I know she deserves a spot all her own, but I don't think she would mind sharing it with the pony. They would have the first spot, ahead of
Anne Murry. Then I thought about others. Dutchie Mason came to mind. He used to rent across the street from me and that made me wonder how long it took to repair the holes in the walls after he left? And then there are the Trailer Park Boys. For them, instead of hand prints, I would like to see mouth impressions in the cement. That way, every time the cement had to be washed, you could wash their mouths out with soap.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Corruption Is Not A Bad Thing, Just Don't Call It Pork

The Afghan election. Counting takes awhile and the possibility that results will be in this year are good. If you have paid any attention at all, you can't help but notice the voter ballot. It would give our daily newspaper a run for its money. For that election, paper for ballots is a major expense. Photos of all candidates are on ballots because a large number of people can't read. They vote on their photo. It sounds like police mugshots, doesn't it? So picking out a candidate from a sheet of men with turbins and black beards should be easy. Picking out a woman might be more difficult but they are used to faceless women.
I am under the assumption that the white man likes to see these people vote because it gives them a warm and fuzzy feeling. "I stuck in my nose and pulled out a democracy, oh what a good boy am I." If Jesus walked these 'streets', he wouldn't find much difference from 2000 yrs. ago. Democracy? Most have no idea what they are doing. "I'll vote for him, he let me ride his donkey last week. Are you sure that's his picture? I thought he had more grey hair."
They do have a start on democracy. We won't have to teach them a darn thing about corruption. Corruption is ok. But don't call it pork. That's against their religion.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Conversation In Every Glass

There'a a story in every bottle, a conversation in every glass. This is a sentence that makes you go warm and fuzzy all over. Or is it a way of saying that you talk too much when you get drunk? After a few more bottles, you do get a lot more fuzzier.
I have read that they now have a nasal spray to cure shyness. Personally I've noticed that a few stiff drinks will cure that. At least for one night.
What can start out as a polite and civil conversation can end up as tongues flapping in the breeze. I suppose you have also noticed that all the tongues flap at the same time. And the only way to be heard is to flap louder and longer. A quite dangerous place for flies to be. Tongue flapping is associated with tongue wagging. I am sure that tongue wagging has a lot to do with the conversation in every glass. We are all aware that one thing leads to another. Tongue wagging, I am sure is the major cause of bar room fights. Polite talk accompnied by a miscued sentence can give you a new view of the swinging doors. But for now, you have learned your lesson and a week from now you will probably do the same thing again. In which case, learning from experience is not your thing.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Simple Rules For Simple People

Went for my two mile walk this morning. In and around sub-divisions, you make mental notes about what you see. We have a school at one end of the street and a pizza place at the other end. And the two do come together, mostly on peoples lawns. There is a very distinct indication when the school year is in. Litter on all the lawns. Fries, pizzas and large soft drink containers. What do I get from all that crap. A picture of diabetes on the move. And a large percentage of the students are well on the way.
Last Monday was garbage pick-up day. So according to Hoyle, there should be no refuse on the sidewalks. That works well when you think about it, but not too well in actual practice. If there is a way to screw this up, people will. There is the "I am important, special attention person." They put their stuff out after the truck has gone by. There it sits, waiting for the bylaw police to wander by and give them a ticket. A ticket that will be complained about and then paid.
Then there are the people who put stuff out any which way and loose. We have simple rules for apparently simple people. But even simple rules are sometime not simple enough.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Your Financial Advisor Cares For Your Money

Do you have a financial adviser? Those scallywags. I have heard they are people who tell you how to spend your own money. Now my experience has been that no one seems to have a problem spending their own money. In fact, some are even good at spending other peoples money. No matter what advice they give you, you can be assured that part of that advice will be about giving them some of your money. It appears that a large majority are willing to do that.
Financial Adviser. Such a strong trusting name.You have to hand it to the banks to come up with a name like that. What would be the qualifications of such an individual? First and far most important is the gift of the gab. Concept of morals should be on the weak side. And education? Nice to have but not really necessary. This sounds like the resume of another career we are familiar with.  Used car salesman.
Financial Advisers are a welcome guest to our house.(Say in a deep voice.) "My Financial Adviser is coming over this afternoon to update me on my portfolio." We proudly tell our friends and neighbours, hoping to gain some esteem. What about the car salesman? (Say in a deep voice.) "The used car salesman is coming over this afternoon to update me on the new list of used cars." Doesn't carry the same weight, does it?
Financial Advisers are bank salesmen, selling bank products such as insurance,stocks,bonds and mutual funds. They get a fee each month from your monthly deposit. No matter what happens to your portfolio, he still gets his fee. To sum it up, I guess a financial advisor is like another member of your family that gets an allowance every month. Dad, can I borrow your wallet?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Have You Hugged Your Pencil Today?

Have you hugged your pencil today? One of the greatest inventions of mankind. Remember pre ball point pens days? Where would you have been without a pencil? Your school career depended on it. And I guess for some, your school career ended because of it. How did they do the 12 x 12 tables without a pencil? Pebbles, match sticks? I dread to even imagine.
The classroom would have only one sharpener. Up there, you could look over the whole class and make faces at the teacher behind her back. Your best friend could come up and it would be the equivalent of the water cooler. But soon you would have to return to your seat since your pencil was now only a nub.
Every year, you could count on getting a pencil box for a gift, at least once. Armed with a pencil box full of pencils, you could write an amount your brain could never remember. Homework, shopping lists. Well maybe not shopping lists. Olden days shopping lists wern't that hot. What would you see on them? Coffee,sugar, flour, bullets? Some people had pencils behind their ears to show how busy they were. And do you know what was best of all, pencils never ran out of ink.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Pass The Baby Poop Please

Mustard for the most part is one colour. It is in varying degrees of yellow all the way to brown. Used too much, it can overpower our tastebuds. Used properly, it can add flavour. We like our mustard. It is one of those condiments we have to give us more than just extra calories. We like to line it up on a hot dog and swirl it on a hamburger. But couldn't they have used a different colour? As it stands now, it will always be likened to baby poop. Now I'm not critizing mustard, nor am I critizing baby poop. Where would we be without our baby poop? When sitting at the dining table who has not said, "Pass the baby poop?"  Some of my best friends are mustard, along with horseradish. They are quite prevelant at baseball games. You have probably seem them. They sit in every row. But what athletic male, with beer and ballpark frank in hand, would want to think of baby poop at a time like that. We love our mustard but when is the last time you heard a child say, "Mommy, can I lick the spoon please."

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Genius In You

Crossword puzzles, I am convinced are a good thing. The formation of words that cover virtually any subject can certainly increase your knowledge of the world. But you can't overlook the fact that you have to have a certain amount of knowledge yourself.  Going to the back page to see what the answer is just shows that you know how to flip pages. I am quite adept at the daily crossword as long as it doesn't have the names of too many celebraties. Especially those that are famous for being famous. I have been told recently that there are more than one way to fill in a crossword puzzle. Being from the old school, I try to fill in all the spaces with the appropiate letters. But it appears that if you are unable to make the proper words you can aquire the assistance of a black marker. I guess that's lifeline #1. To complete the word, just fill in the empty square with black. Now crosswords are not like homework. No one is going to check to see if it is correct. It only matters to you and you have completed it and proved yourself to be a genius. No doubt, something you already knew.

Facebook for today: I don't care which way you dress it up or work it around, when someone is a winner, everyone else is the loser.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

To Eat, Drink and Mow The Lawn

A bowl of beef stew. I do believe that this is not a rich man's menu choice. Not that I have read many rich man's menus. I have read their memoirs and have yet to see a mention of beef stew. I'm sure they know what beef stew is and probably think it a food staple of those "other people." We, the "other people," also never have a conversation about beef stew. There are no movies or songs that attest to its goodness. It stays in the closet, to be hauled out on a cold winter's day like an old overcoat. We tell no one and remain smug about its consumption. If someone asks, we give it a fancy name like Beef Bourguignon or French Cassoulet. Someone has to take a stand, so this evening I will put aside my smugness and enjoy my beef stew, possibly with a croissent.

Where's the beer? Although I inbibe ocasionally of  the beverage, I do not see its attraction. It's primary purpose seems to be the lubrication of the throat and the loosening of the tongue. The former can be accomplished with other less expensive liquids. And the latter will only suffice with more expensive. It can also be noted that the increased wagging of tongues is accompnied by widening of the waist.

I am convinced that lawn mowing has medicinal remedies yet to be discovered. Back and forth, the straight lines give you a sense that all is right with the world. Mind you, all mowing conditions have to be right. Steep grades and rocks especially can disrupt your sensibilities. But perfect conditions can make for a pleasant afternoon. Mowing at different angles brings out your inner artistic feelings for all the world to see. Hey neighbour, look at this, as good as the Yankees baseball field. Whoa! Keep that dog off my lawn.

Facebook for today: I think I can, I think I can.
chug-a chug-a
chug-a chug-a
The little bra that could.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

You Wouldn't Trip over Your Ego, Would You?

Two neighbours talking loud on the patio last night. I know a lot people that would have started a shouting match, but my wife just went out at midnight and put something in the garbage can. All quiet on the western front. Shouting with he neighbours is a bad idea. It gets the police involved and that would be bad news for donut shops.

Over the centuries, God in his wisdom has given man the means for the advancement of civilization. He has given us fire and the wheel and still continues helping us mortals. Today, his greatest achievement can be found in the hands of most men. A technical marvel that frustates women and makes a man the ruler of his world. And I, like any other man have a number of these TV remote controls at my disposal.

Guilt and consequences. We would prefer to go through life without emotional baggage. But can you go through life blameless? Can we be guilt free of all life's complications? With a little imagination we can attach it to someone else. Attaching blame is not a complicated procedure. The only person we really have to convince is ourselves. And we are our greatest admirer.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Want To Get Men Talking? All We Need Is A Case Of Beer And A Washroom.

I'm looking out the window and watching the grass wave their greeting. Any sane person would say it's the wind but I think it's the grass greeting their friendly barber. Come, give us a trim. You wouldn't want passersbys to think you uncaring. Dr. Dolittle had the animals. As Dr.Doless I have the grass. Requires a lot less caring than animals and leaves a lot less munure.

Coffee, you little devil. You have us by the short and curlies. And we love it. The permitted addiction shared by most civilized peoples. Can we use civilized and addiction in the same sentence? I guess we can in this instance since everyone agrees. Coffee praises are sung far and wide as is tea by the English. We are proud of our addiction. Inexpensive, it can be purchased by anyone. Is it the modern version of the Colosseum games? Then they gave them bread, now its coffee.  Bread kept them alive, coffee makes us alive. An addiction with absolutely no reprisals. Anyway, if coffee became a crime, where would Starbucks be doing? Making milkshakes I guess.

Read on my Twitter, "Men's groups gets men talking." Must be a woman who wrote that. Want to get men talking? All we need is a case of beer and a washroom. Why are women so obsessed with getting men in a group and talking? Do they have some kind of crusade or what? Would we have to form a circle and hold hands? Then we would have to sing "Oh Canada" and I'm not sure everyone would know the words. Is it that they want to give us a list of what to talk about? We would want to chose our own topics and would probably talk about women, beer, cars, tools, women, beer and women. Then again, I don't think we need a group for that. During breaks, we could talk about money.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Latest News Is Your Universe Even If You Don't Read

Notice how people can be equated with the universe? The center of the universe. That's us. How important we are. At least we are the center of something. And I guess it can be said that the center of our universe is never empty. Even though people may say that your head is empty. Universes colliding sounds so ominous but it can be no more than two people bumping into each other at Wal-mart. Universes expanding. Another prime example from a Wal-Mart excursion. Every universe is different, just like people. Mine is moving right now. Out to the kitchen to make a coffee. I saw a piece of blueberry pie somewhere. Enough to disrupt the universe? Perhaps. Do you think that scientists will believe that the expansion of the universe was caused by a piece of blueberry pie?

What a downpour we just had and it was only in front of the house. Checked the neighbours to make sure it was raining on them. Can you imagine if I was the only one? I would be like the guy on Lil' Abner. But it was ok. I never got beamed up into a spaceship or anything. Come to think of it, what if that was a space ship emptying out on me? I am going to put on dark glasses when I go out tomorrow. Hold it! I can't do that. My glasses turn black when I go outside. You know, a one house rainfall could be a good thing. Some yards around here could use a shower.

Your latest news. When is your daily news no longer news? I guess when it ceases to change. I don't mean fires or plane crashes. That's news. Remember the line," Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." Some news items are like that. Same news, different people. Looked at an old tape from the 80's the other day. On it was the news. What did I see?  The Israeli - Palestian peace talks. See what I mean? That's one of them guaranteed news items. No progress, no change, just a different cast of characters. And another favourite one is American elections. It appears when one is elected, they start their next campaign. More celebrities than employees of the people. And for the life of me, I can't see how they ever get anything done. But it does take up a lot of television space and circulates a lot of money.

Symphony Nova Scotia will be having some shows and it will cost you $52. to see them. I guess they are expecting a big turnout because of the celebrity wand waver. And that would be Red Green, duct tape and all. I guess you could call him the unofficial spokesman for the duct tape industry. Any bets if his wand is duct taped together. I have always been suspicious of wand wavers. Lets face it, the orchestra members know their job. They just need someone to tell them when to start. Someone stands in front, drops his hand and away they go. He is no longer needed but what can you do wth him?  He can't stand there like an idiot. Nor can he leave the stage. People would watch him. He would be a distraction. So in front he stays, pretending to be the leader. I've watched some of this on tv and have noticed that some of the orchestra members have their eyes closed while they play. So my suspicions were confirmed. I guess wand wavers were the first project managers.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mine And Wine

Fall weather is definately here. Leaves are starting to fall. Rain off and on. Supposed to be the same today. My daughter Natasha was sick on Sunday. Throwing up stale blood and having seizures all day. Yesterday she was running a high temp. She seems to be a bit better today.

When you do a quick scan of the morning paper you may not always get the right facts. I did that the other day. Really I did. The heading was "Explore wine country" and it was one column, the full length of the page. The rest of the page was about Cape Breton and had a large photo of Autumn. Flipping through that page registered as wine country in Cape Breton. As I was moving along, that was humming along through my mind. Grapes in Cape Breton? That's not what I remember. My thoughts are more like coal mines, electric poles that never seem to be put in straight, sagging electrical wires and of course black snow. Our snow is not as pretty as the red snow of Sudbury and the nickle mines surrounding it.

When I tried to focus on grapes and wine in this local, I only came up with two locations. One would be the shelves in the local liquor store covered with bottles of wine. The other would be a room in someone's basement with a sign over the door reading "Wine Country." Here you would find the bottled results of the latest batch. The excellent June, 2010 offering. A bit fruity with a hint of lobster. No one would find it in a Fess Parker Winery.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Friend Or Unfriend? That Is The Option.

Sure is a big change in temperature since last week. Sunday morning and its 12C/53F. There was no in between. Air Show this weekend. Everyone got wet yesterday. We went to a church dinner last evening and a good time was had by all. My daughter was sick while we were away and she is still sick today. Bed ridden since she was born and 37 now, she is starting to have more problems.

No Qur'an burning yesterday. The Muslims are so happy, they will probably go out and burn some Bibles. Oh, they were going to do that anyway. They can do all that crap and no one says anything. With them, there is only one side to an arguement, theirs. With us, no matter what they do, you have to discuss it. Did you know that the Americans sent a whole whack of Bibles over to their troops last year but the Army burnt them because they didn't want to piss off the Afgans. That's what I call compromise. I just found out that there was some Qur'an burning but on a small scale. People trying to get their fifteen minutes of fame. I guess that will put a price on their asses.

That was some gas explosion in California. What really got me was the photo from 2007. It showed a chalk mark circle on the road where there might be a problem. Sure enough, that's where it blew up. Imagine. Just sitting in your house, minding your own business and boom, gone. Looks like there will be a lot of busy lawyers.

Have you ever been unfriended on Facebook? They tell me that for some it is a very unsettling experience. In my opinion this is a very bad move. Especially if they are relatives. The next day, you are probably saying to yourself that you shouldn't have done it. And how will you ever be able to hold up your face at the next family funeral? As far as being in the will, well you've certainly screwed that. And what if that person wins the lottery? You'll be kicking your ass for the rest of your life. And what does it show about you? Well, I guess you're opiniated. Your opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. And you thought you were so cool. A person of the world, able to accept others opinions and let them roll off your back. Sorry, I guess you're not that way. You are just as stupid and ego oriented as the rest of us. There is another way of doing this unfriending business. All you have to do is block the person. Then you are still on the list of friends but you don't have to read any of their crap. You can always sneak back and check them out. And it would still be a go for the lottery and will.

So send out invites to those you axed. Tell them you were just cleaning up and that stupid Facebook took some of your people.

Friday, September 10, 2010

'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated'

Saw this photo yesterday of a tar sands protestor. Sitting with roses and covered with molasses to depict oil. The first thing that came to my mind was that she will need a shower. The second thing I thought of was that she will need a drive home and she wouldn't be getting in my car. That picture will make a great souvenir and only the future knows if it will be a photo of a crusader or an idiot.

The funniest headline I saw was "Obama: No more tax cuts for rich." That probably means that he is just going to mail them the money.

The Olde Salty Restaurant in Carolina Beach North Carolina, Has Banned Screaming Children From Their Establishment. Signs reading 'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated' are posted outside the restaurant. Of course this got a lot of publicity. The result being more business. It seems that people like to eat their meal in peace. Go figure.

Do you know that they have a new musical on Broadway for Spiderman? Can you just imagine,♫ "Swinging in the rain, I'm swinging in the rain, Just happy as hell to be swinging in the Rain."♫ I am trying to picture Spiderman swinging through the air and Yodeling as he goes from alp to alp.He could meet Peter Pan and hang out with Wendy. Do you know that the name Wendy was made up for the book. There is no Wendy in history. So you better stop telling people you're named after St.Wendy.

Lots of noise outside. Airshow this weekend and the Snowbirds are out practicing. One of the pilots This year is a woman. I guess she can crash a plane just as well as a man. Another thing happening tomorrow is the Hundred Mile Yardsale. I don't have to explain that.  Tomorrow is also a CWL dinner and my wife is taking me to that.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Swimming In Your Birthday Suit

Tuesday morning and it looks dismal out, though they say it will be quite warm. First chore of the day was to buy my lottery ticket for friday. Fools Tax. I need a second cup of coffee this morning. My lawn is covered with leaves from a Silver Maple down the street. It must be about 75 feet high. The top has already been trimmed once. It's a monster and it always loses its leaves first. The storm the other day helped to push that ahead. I'm not going to start sucking them up. I'll lawn mower them and maybe they will blow away. Betty wants me to look at a fan, the large square floor type. She says its intermittant. Probably the cord. Of course I threw out a box of cords a couple of weeks ago. Isn't that always the way?

Read this article,"Dog rescued from hot car." It reminds me about the airport. Every summer we would get call like that. Sometimes it would be dogs and sometimes children. We would have to send down the police and broadcast the licence number over the PA System. And there was never a case that it didn't turn out ok.
♫ People caring for people ♫ It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. ♫

Grabbed the fan to look at but then Betty grabbed me to go shopping. So did shopping, lunch and then the fan. Cleaned, oiled and changed the cord. back in business.

I just found out that you can't go swimming in our parks after 10 PM. Last week, some restaurant workers, went for a swim after their shift. (You may have thought skinny dipping but I didn't.) Along came the police and Bingo, a $200. ticket for each of them.  A little bit harsh for the Police, I would say. They could have just told them to leave. After all, we were in a heat wave. The criminals are going to contest this in court. Said that they haden't gotten into the water yet. I suppose the rule is there because of no lifeguards.

♫This summer I swam in a public place
And a reservoir to boot
At the latter I was informal
At the former I wore my suit
I wore my swimming suit ♫

Monday, September 6, 2010

Baby Carrots On The Move

Monday and today's job was to fix the two clothes lines. On one tree, the hook was a bit straightened out, so I replaced that. The other had the hook pulled out of the house. Put the hook back in, caulked it up and put a piece of siding over it. Didn't want any hole left there. Wasps might go in and start something. So with my son's help, job done.

No newspaper today. That means that tomorrows obituary column will be twice as long. Last week I wrote about a coffin sale. I thought that was a rare thing, but I guess it isn't. Because now I hear them advertised on tv. Competation must be getting stiff. (I didn't realize about the last sentence until it was finished.)

Read about this town in Clarkson, Mich. Seems they are getting cash strapped, so they fired the whole police force. That's weird, but it gets weirder. It seems they had a police chief, one full time cop, seven part time cops and some reservists. I guess we won't be wondering why they are cash strapped if the whole town operates that way. And did I mention that the town has a population of 1000.

Someone is outside, continuously blowing the car horn. Better watch out that someone doesn't come along and stuff that horn. The horn has stopped and I did hear a little yell.

What's new on the baby carrot front? It seems that they are pushing baby carrots so that they will appear to be junk food. The 'Eat' Em Like junk Food' campaign hopes to get people excited about them. The Halloween version will be called Scarrots, ideal to give out for trick and treat. Yes, I can see that the kids will be really excited about that. The baby carrots will be packaged like chips and also sold in school vending machines. They want to get people not to think of them as a vegetable. I wonder how long it will take before they screw that up and the carrots will actually be junk food, bearing no resemblence to a vegetable.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Watch That Weiner!

Hurricane gone. The bending of the trees broke one clothes line and the other had the its hook pulled out of the house. So that ripped a bit of siding and tore out some insulation. Now it's a project or should I change it to a problem? Problem it is then.

The leader of the Liberal Party has been doing a bus tour across Canada. That's the guy that looks like Stan Laurel. I guess he is trying to acquaint himself with the country he hopes to run at some point, hoping sooner rather than later. I believe I am right in saying that he has spent the greater part of his life living somewhere else. He is an artsy type of guy, which isn't my cup of tea. Speaking of tea, he lived in England and had an artsy type of late night tv show. I don't know how that tour is working out as I've hardly heard any noise about it. But he is in our neck of the woods now and out newspaper is falling all over themselves to flaunt his presence.

I've posted a photo of a barbacue and his Chefness doing the honours. Don't know what he is trying to say, so I will have to take a stab at it.
"If Harper can do this, so can I."
"Now, which one is the hot dog and which one is the hamburger?
"This is a fork and the other one is a thing."
"Do people really eat these things?"
"I can't figure out how this fits with Champagne."
"I bet my wife is standing behind me, hoping I don't blow it."
"I can feel all the stares but I have to make a decision. That will be something new."
"Wonder if they like my neat jeans?"
"Th NDP Party did this to me. Darn NDP province. I'm taking my weiner and going home."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Armageddon Is At Hand Or Just A Fish Story

I guess we can call this pre-hurricane day. The TV newscasters make such a big issue out of this. You would think it was pre-armageddon. When it gets here, it's only going to be a category 1. Wind and rain, we get it all the time. I would be more concerned if it had snow with it. Watching it on TV, I could see scores of people wheeling out stocked up shopping carts from the grocery stores. You would think starvation was staring them in the face. By the size of some of them, a few days of dieting might do them some good. The biggest thing that surprises me is the people going to the hardware store buying plywood to cover the windows. I've always wondered if people save this plywood or do they just turf it out. As if there will never be another hurricane.

I'm supposed to batten down the hatches. But I'm not a ship so I don't have hatches. I'll have to batten down something else. I guess I can batten down my deck chairs and my garbage cans. Speaking of garbage, Monday is my normal garbage day but it is also a holiday, so they changed it to Saturday, tomorrow, which is hurricane day. I read yesterday that they changed that to next Saturday, which I find a bit on the stupid side since normal garbage day is two days later. Of course the answer is that it has to do with money. Extra money for working on that Sat. We are starting to be like Americans. Common sense does not prevail where money is involved.

Read this article awhile back and it had to do with Atlantic Herring. It seems that herring are getting smarter. Well, what do you expect? They swim around in a school, don't they? People and herring seem to be changing places. In their school, herring are in a learning mode. In our schools, they seem to be trying to get an award for being the most stupid. Back to the herring. It used to be that a net would come along and sweep up the whole school. So they never had a chance to learn anything in school. But one fish must have caught on and told all the rest to swim closer to the floor and the net couldn't get them. Now they all do it. I wonder if this is included in Black Swan Theory?

So do schools of fish have leaders? Like a quarterback or something? They would be peacefully swimming along and then a net appears. "Dive dive, net ahead." It seems to work. I wonder what they will start doing next now that they are getting an education? Maybe they will be lawyers and sue us for ruining their enviroment. Next it could be crows, sueing us for throwing stones at them. Then its worms sueing for cruel and unusual punishment. Fish hooks indeed. This whole thing gives me a bad vibe. The real armageddon. We better start to batten down the hatches.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

To Cross-Dress Or Not, That Is The Question?

"Hey Norm!" Everyone knows Norm. Real name, george Wendt. He sat on the colon warmer on the back side of the bar. So, is he just a piece of the furniture or is he an extra? It appears that if you are alive, you're an extra. I wonder if those extras actually say anything to each other or just move their mouth up and down. Anyway, Norm was a special extra. He had lines to say so he gets bumped up to supporting actor. He only had a few lines to say, even though you only need six words, to have a cheque rolling in each month.

So where is Norm now? Well his handprints are at Disney world and he has moved on to greater heights in entertainment. His new Mantra is "If its good enough for Regis, it's good enough for me." He has taken this to heart and is now working out of the Charlottetown Festival. He plays Edna in the Broadway Musical "Hairspray." Yes. I said Edna. I guess Norm has taken up cross dressing. Maybe he classifies himself as a Shakespearean actor. In those days, all women's parts were played by men. If that's the case, he has the wrong idea. But who are we to judge? After all, he may have bar bills to pay. If his next gig is at the Savoy Theatre in Sydney, we know which direction his career is headed.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Turning Over In The Grave

Rumblings of earthquakes and volcanoes lately. But I don't think it's that. I am more inclined to believe its Napoleon and Charles de Gaulle turning over in their graves. You can probably add to that, the untold numbers of English and French soldiers from their hundreds of years of tit for tat or à bon chat, bon rat. When they all roll over at once, voila, an earthquake. And of what am I speaking, do you ask? Well, the new partnership of the English and French navies to stomp about on the same aircraft carrier at the same time on the same day. From the easy chairs of some men's club has come the idea of a joint venture of both countries using the same aircraft carrier to cut down on expenses. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

So! What flag will it be? Both flags up at the same time, or do they take turns on a daily basis? Right of the bat, there will be an arguement. Who gets the first day? And when the sailors come on board and salute the flag, would the French salute an English flag. That would be definate grounds for a tsunami. So lets say they solve those problem and off they go into the wild blue yonder. The crew would all have to speak both languages. Imagine going into battle and the orders are in english and french. "We don't take orders from you limeys." "We don't take orders from you frogs." The war would be over, them at the bottom of the sea and still arguing.

There must be some good points for this. Just think, when they go into a foreign port, they wouldn't be fighting with the locals. They would be fighting with each other. Another good point is that when they go into a port that don't like English, they could borrow French uniforms and vice versa. What about the rum? The French would want rum too. Maybe they would rather have wine.

So I guess the biggest problem would be if the English went to war with someone and the French didn't. Even bigger than that would be if they were on different sides. At least that day, there wouldn't be any earthquakes.

On Facebook: Standing at the counter having a coffee this morning, when I noticed a smile staring at me from a glass of water.