PensionersRants

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Chinese Joke.


Why did God make women pretty and dumb? Pretty, so men would like them. Dumb, so they would like men.

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Heart Surgery Age

 

When I had my open heart surgery, I met a number of others having the same operation. The strange thing is they were all men and they were all 57 yrs. of age. I was 77.

Saturday, May 8, 2021

Marihuana

 

My neighbor has taken up smoking marijuana. It smells like a skunk has pissed on my patio every morning. 

Friday, May 7, 2021

Monocle

 


I wear glasses but I am thinking of getting a monocle, one for each eye.

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Night Romp


Most people know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. One thing for sure is, you don't lay around for a long time to think about it. 

Saturday, May 1, 2021

TIME TRAVEL

 


If I ever happen to travel to the past, I hope I have a roll of toilet paper with me, just in case.

Friday, April 30, 2021

Ambulance Ride


When you have a serious health issue and are taken by ambulance, you realize that death is just a step away.

Monday, April 26, 2021

Books in Heaven


I wonder if you are allowed to read books in heaven or if you have to pray and sing hymns all the time? After all, I'll have all of eternity. If I am able to read, then I will be able to read all the books I have. 


Thursday, April 22, 2021

YouTube Stars


They did a world-wide poll recently. They asked children what they wanted to be when they grew up. In Europe, Russia and China, the children wanted to be Astronauts but in North America they wanted to be YouTube stars. That would probably include Reality stars also. Certainly shows us where our head is. 

Friday, April 16, 2021

I see that Prince Harry is back in England, alone. Meghan will have to text him his daily instructions.

 



An Afternoon in Madrid

I

I'm watching a Spanish mini-series about the Basque movement in the 1960's. English subtitles. That's what's great about watching T.V. now, shows from different countries. So, I am watching this show and a protest march and riot in 1967 takes place. I'm reminded that I was in Madrid in 1967. My friend Bud and I leave our hotel and go to the train station to make arrangements for the train to southern Spain so we can go to Morocco. On the way back, as we approach the hotel we see a big mob. It's a protest mob that later turns into a riot. We weave our way through the crowd, knowing this is a bad place to be and finally get into the hotel. 

We go upstairs to the second floor where our room is and then we stand on our balcony and watch the riot. Along comes about a dozen or more grey police vans. They line up in a row and open the doors to the last one. Then the police grab people by the scruff of the neck and toss them into the van. When the van is filled, they close the door, drive away and the next van backs up. Same thing again till all the vans are filled. And that's the end of the riot. We stayed in the hotel bar that evening instead of going out. 

I'm putting up a photo of a van but the actual vans were smaller and no windows.

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Doctor's Appointment

 


A couple of days ago, I had an appointment with the heart specialist. He said that everything seems to be ok but make sure I keep active. I do my 1 mile walk most days, it depends on the weather. I was also doing 20 min. Tai Chi but I found it was husting my ribs so I stopped it for awhile. Have to try that again. Then he said that we have to discuss my other problem. I also have a heart valve that is not working properly and may have to be operated on. So next fall I have to do the dye test and all that again to see if things are getting worse. If they are, I will need another operation, just like the last one. Didn't want to hear that. Oh well, that's a couple of years from now and things may not change. 

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Van Appointment

 

Yesterday evening I dropped off my van at my mechanic's. Usually I drop it off the day before my appointment, then they can better fit it in to a time slot. I leave the van there, my son picks me up. When it is done, Lisa calls me up, my son drives me back and away we go. I needed summer tire put on, an oil change and the bi-annual safety check. If I need something else because of the safety check they will call me. 

Got my van back. |Needed windshield wipers.


Monday, April 12, 2021

Saw a Cardinal in the back yard, the bird, not the baseball player.

 




Ripped Jeans

 



You know, I think the upper class and the rich people are a lot smarter than the average person. Let's face it, they have to be, to make people believe that wearing rags is fashionable. In the time of my parents and grandparents, men working in the coal mine, worked hard so that their children did not have to wear rags. They would be disappointed and ashamed.

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Friday, April 9, 2021

 

If you cut a piece out of the side of your bathtub so you can step in, I guess it is no longer a bathtub.

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Unused Stamps

 


Got a piece of mail today and the stamp was unmarked. Will reuse it. Easy $1.00. That's the second in a week.

Friday, April 2, 2021

I love history, there's so much of it.

A Burst of Vitamins


Amazon Vitamins

Just before supper yesterday, I took some vitamins. The thing is, one got stuck in my throat. Not a big problem, it would eventually fall apart but it was uncomfortable. Drank water three times to no avail. I didn't want to eat anything till it was gone, didn't want more problems. After awhile I could feel it breaking apart. I gave a little cough and out came a cloud of white dust. That was funny. I looked like Puff the Dragon. 

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Poker or Faro

 

Every western movie has gotten it wrong. Cowboys did not play poker in the 1800s but a game called Faro. Faro was invented outside the United States and after being imported, gained popularity.

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

What was lost is now found.


I think I said awhile ago that I had lost my ring. It was one given to me by my wife over 50 yrs. ago. Before we were married. Gold ring, black onyx center and a diamond in one corner. After my operation, I lost a lot of weight so that my hands were smaller. I was out fooling around the snow blower and when I took off my glove, the ring must have come off with it. I didn't miss it till later. I prayed to St. Anthony to find my ring and then one day, there it was, bold as brass, or should I say bold as gold, laying on my patio. All the snow had melted. My family and I must have looked in that area at least 6 times and saw nothing. Happy to find it.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

5 Things for Today

1.  Having vanilla Ensure for breakfast.

2. Went to mass yesterday evening, so no watching it on TV this morning.

3. Wearing my fake Omega watch today.

4. Too cold to go for a walk. 

5. Have to reactivate my hearing aid dehumidifier.


Thursday, March 25, 2021

Camels are ships of the desert, not container ships

 


5 things for today.

 1. Went to mass yesterday. First time in a year. 

2. Can't wait for summer clothes. Getting tired looking at black.

3. Cut myself shaving this morning. Had to use styptic pencil on it. Man that stings.

4. Prince Harry has a job. (His first?). What a scam.

5. Found my lost ring.

When someone makes a promise that they will pray for you, I have a sneaking feeling that most don't

                                                                Amazon Candles


Tuesday, March 23, 2021

You can bet your booties that the Chinese military is not worried about political correctness.

                                                           

                                               Amazon Books on Chinese Military


Capt. Kirk



I see William Shatner had a birthday yesterday. I also noticed that he was married four times. I have an opinion about people who marry more than twice. At this stage they are not looking for a marriage partner, more like a companion. How about those female stars who marry seven or eight times? I think they just want to go to bed with all their best friends but not show who they really are.

Monday, March 22, 2021

Graffiti


Amazon Graffiti Face Mask


The world started falling apart when they decided that graffiti on buildings was art. 

Thursday, March 18, 2021

  


                  Amazon Nose Pads

While walking in my bedroom, I felt a sharp prick on the bottom of my foot. It turned out to be a nose pad from my glasses. Sure enough, when I removed them, one pad was missing. I didn't even realize it until it stuck in my foot. I suppose I would have eventually caught on.