Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Walk Is More Than A Walk.

While I was doing my walk yesterday, I noticed a caterpillar rushing down the sidewalk. I knew he was rushing because he kept tripping over his feet. This is almost Oct. and this guy is still wandering around. That must have been some party. He still thinks he is a teenager and is missing the best part. Hurry along buddy, your pals are in Florida waiting at the pool.

For me, this was not an ordinary walk. Something else attracted my attention and it just blew me away. One house had a garage door open. The inside was shocking. There was a place for everything and everything was in its place. Hung on the walls or stacked. I can't remember when I saw a garage in such orderly condition. And the biggest suprise shall remain with me for a long time. That person could actually drive his car into the garage.

Most yards are neat and tidy but every once in awhile you run across one that appears like the garbage man dropped off a load rather than picked it up. The exterior of the house has seen better days and the front and back yards have seen too many days. You may wonder if the interior of the house is any reflection of the outside? From my experience, it is like a virus that spreads from room to room. Perhaps it starts in their head.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

♫ Yipee aye ki ya ♫ Git along little dogie ♫

♫ Yipee aye ki ya ♫ Git along little dogie ♫ I want to get back for that big plate of beans. ♫
As often as not, beans remind me of cowboys, chuck wagons and the wild west. Rushing back after a hard day on the range for a plate of beans. I guess it also reminds me of gas. That wouldn't be the kind you use in your car. You know, I don't recall ever seeing beans on a restaurant menu. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Maybe I just don't notice it on the menu or I haven't been in the right restaurant. That brings up the question of what price they would charge for a plate of beans.
Although used in its basic form, beans as a meal has also been moderinized. With a simple addition, you can now enjoy weiners and beans. I also notice that beans have other qualities. They appear to be very good at clearing the room, clearing your sinuses and choking you to death.

Banking For Students

I suppose that you are with me thinking that this generation is the most tech savvy so far. That's what I thought until I read this article. "Bank sites could be more student friendly."  Personally, I never thought that bank sites were a problem. By the way, we are talking about are university students. So I decided to give this some thought. I believe we think they are tech savvy because they have an Ipod or Blackberry in their hand. This is not a big deal. You have to look at them as an upgrade of the transistor radio. All they do is type. And on top of that, they type bad English.
Back to the bank sites. Obviously the banks are unaware of the importance of the McDonalds Happy Face Meal. Although unsoliciated, I will give them some advice on making their sites more student friendly. First of all, you must make much more use of pictures. How can you expect them to read English when they can't spell it. (Actually, bad English was one of their suggestions.)
1. To check your account, click on Barney.
2. To check messages, click on Moo Moo Cow.
3. To pay bills, go to Help Dad.
4. To make a new account, ask Grandmother for help. Because this is grown up stuff.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Nova Scotia Walk Of Fame.

Saw this headline last week. "Latest hurricane to touch down in Halifax." OMG I thought. Well I didn't really think OMG, I thought."Oh My God." I suppose you are Twitter savvy enough to know that. So Hurricane Igor is headed this way. I thought for sure it was way out to sea. So now I will have to batten the hatches and hunker down. Which brings up an old Air Force saying. "Haste Makes Waste." I wasted my time because I rushed over the headline and didn't read at least some of the article. Being better late than never, it turned out that the article was about a football team blowing into town to play one of our University teams. Without Igor, our team was still blown away. May you rest in peace Igor.

I've heard lately about "Walk of Fame." How about a Nova Scotia Walk of Fame?  I think the first inductee should be the Pit Pony. He was a famous star, probably no longer with us. They could make an impression of  pony shoes. Then there could be an outline of a heart and on the other side the hand prints of Ellen Page. They were in the same series together. Not to take anything from Ellen Page. I know she deserves a spot all her own, but I don't think she would mind sharing it with the pony. They would have the first spot, ahead of
Anne Murry. Then I thought about others. Dutchie Mason came to mind. He used to rent across the street from me and that made me wonder how long it took to repair the holes in the walls after he left? And then there are the Trailer Park Boys. For them, instead of hand prints, I would like to see mouth impressions in the cement. That way, every time the cement had to be washed, you could wash their mouths out with soap.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Corruption Is Not A Bad Thing, Just Don't Call It Pork

The Afghan election. Counting takes awhile and the possibility that results will be in this year are good. If you have paid any attention at all, you can't help but notice the voter ballot. It would give our daily newspaper a run for its money. For that election, paper for ballots is a major expense. Photos of all candidates are on ballots because a large number of people can't read. They vote on their photo. It sounds like police mugshots, doesn't it? So picking out a candidate from a sheet of men with turbins and black beards should be easy. Picking out a woman might be more difficult but they are used to faceless women.
I am under the assumption that the white man likes to see these people vote because it gives them a warm and fuzzy feeling. "I stuck in my nose and pulled out a democracy, oh what a good boy am I." If Jesus walked these 'streets', he wouldn't find much difference from 2000 yrs. ago. Democracy? Most have no idea what they are doing. "I'll vote for him, he let me ride his donkey last week. Are you sure that's his picture? I thought he had more grey hair."
They do have a start on democracy. We won't have to teach them a darn thing about corruption. Corruption is ok. But don't call it pork. That's against their religion.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Conversation In Every Glass

There'a a story in every bottle, a conversation in every glass. This is a sentence that makes you go warm and fuzzy all over. Or is it a way of saying that you talk too much when you get drunk? After a few more bottles, you do get a lot more fuzzier.
I have read that they now have a nasal spray to cure shyness. Personally I've noticed that a few stiff drinks will cure that. At least for one night.
What can start out as a polite and civil conversation can end up as tongues flapping in the breeze. I suppose you have also noticed that all the tongues flap at the same time. And the only way to be heard is to flap louder and longer. A quite dangerous place for flies to be. Tongue flapping is associated with tongue wagging. I am sure that tongue wagging has a lot to do with the conversation in every glass. We are all aware that one thing leads to another. Tongue wagging, I am sure is the major cause of bar room fights. Polite talk accompnied by a miscued sentence can give you a new view of the swinging doors. But for now, you have learned your lesson and a week from now you will probably do the same thing again. In which case, learning from experience is not your thing.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Simple Rules For Simple People

Went for my two mile walk this morning. In and around sub-divisions, you make mental notes about what you see. We have a school at one end of the street and a pizza place at the other end. And the two do come together, mostly on peoples lawns. There is a very distinct indication when the school year is in. Litter on all the lawns. Fries, pizzas and large soft drink containers. What do I get from all that crap. A picture of diabetes on the move. And a large percentage of the students are well on the way.
Last Monday was garbage pick-up day. So according to Hoyle, there should be no refuse on the sidewalks. That works well when you think about it, but not too well in actual practice. If there is a way to screw this up, people will. There is the "I am important, special attention person." They put their stuff out after the truck has gone by. There it sits, waiting for the bylaw police to wander by and give them a ticket. A ticket that will be complained about and then paid.
Then there are the people who put stuff out any which way and loose. We have simple rules for apparently simple people. But even simple rules are sometime not simple enough.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Your Financial Advisor Cares For Your Money

Do you have a financial adviser? Those scallywags. I have heard they are people who tell you how to spend your own money. Now my experience has been that no one seems to have a problem spending their own money. In fact, some are even good at spending other peoples money. No matter what advice they give you, you can be assured that part of that advice will be about giving them some of your money. It appears that a large majority are willing to do that.
Financial Adviser. Such a strong trusting name.You have to hand it to the banks to come up with a name like that. What would be the qualifications of such an individual? First and far most important is the gift of the gab. Concept of morals should be on the weak side. And education? Nice to have but not really necessary. This sounds like the resume of another career we are familiar with.  Used car salesman.
Financial Advisers are a welcome guest to our house.(Say in a deep voice.) "My Financial Adviser is coming over this afternoon to update me on my portfolio." We proudly tell our friends and neighbours, hoping to gain some esteem. What about the car salesman? (Say in a deep voice.) "The used car salesman is coming over this afternoon to update me on the new list of used cars." Doesn't carry the same weight, does it?
Financial Advisers are bank salesmen, selling bank products such as insurance,stocks,bonds and mutual funds. They get a fee each month from your monthly deposit. No matter what happens to your portfolio, he still gets his fee. To sum it up, I guess a financial advisor is like another member of your family that gets an allowance every month. Dad, can I borrow your wallet?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Have You Hugged Your Pencil Today?

Have you hugged your pencil today? One of the greatest inventions of mankind. Remember pre ball point pens days? Where would you have been without a pencil? Your school career depended on it. And I guess for some, your school career ended because of it. How did they do the 12 x 12 tables without a pencil? Pebbles, match sticks? I dread to even imagine.
The classroom would have only one sharpener. Up there, you could look over the whole class and make faces at the teacher behind her back. Your best friend could come up and it would be the equivalent of the water cooler. But soon you would have to return to your seat since your pencil was now only a nub.
Every year, you could count on getting a pencil box for a gift, at least once. Armed with a pencil box full of pencils, you could write an amount your brain could never remember. Homework, shopping lists. Well maybe not shopping lists. Olden days shopping lists wern't that hot. What would you see on them? Coffee,sugar, flour, bullets? Some people had pencils behind their ears to show how busy they were. And do you know what was best of all, pencils never ran out of ink.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Pass The Baby Poop Please

Mustard for the most part is one colour. It is in varying degrees of yellow all the way to brown. Used too much, it can overpower our tastebuds. Used properly, it can add flavour. We like our mustard. It is one of those condiments we have to give us more than just extra calories. We like to line it up on a hot dog and swirl it on a hamburger. But couldn't they have used a different colour? As it stands now, it will always be likened to baby poop. Now I'm not critizing mustard, nor am I critizing baby poop. Where would we be without our baby poop? When sitting at the dining table who has not said, "Pass the baby poop?"  Some of my best friends are mustard, along with horseradish. They are quite prevelant at baseball games. You have probably seem them. They sit in every row. But what athletic male, with beer and ballpark frank in hand, would want to think of baby poop at a time like that. We love our mustard but when is the last time you heard a child say, "Mommy, can I lick the spoon please."

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Genius In You

Crossword puzzles, I am convinced are a good thing. The formation of words that cover virtually any subject can certainly increase your knowledge of the world. But you can't overlook the fact that you have to have a certain amount of knowledge yourself.  Going to the back page to see what the answer is just shows that you know how to flip pages. I am quite adept at the daily crossword as long as it doesn't have the names of too many celebraties. Especially those that are famous for being famous. I have been told recently that there are more than one way to fill in a crossword puzzle. Being from the old school, I try to fill in all the spaces with the appropiate letters. But it appears that if you are unable to make the proper words you can aquire the assistance of a black marker. I guess that's lifeline #1. To complete the word, just fill in the empty square with black. Now crosswords are not like homework. No one is going to check to see if it is correct. It only matters to you and you have completed it and proved yourself to be a genius. No doubt, something you already knew.

Facebook for today: I don't care which way you dress it up or work it around, when someone is a winner, everyone else is the loser.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

To Eat, Drink and Mow The Lawn

A bowl of beef stew. I do believe that this is not a rich man's menu choice. Not that I have read many rich man's menus. I have read their memoirs and have yet to see a mention of beef stew. I'm sure they know what beef stew is and probably think it a food staple of those "other people." We, the "other people," also never have a conversation about beef stew. There are no movies or songs that attest to its goodness. It stays in the closet, to be hauled out on a cold winter's day like an old overcoat. We tell no one and remain smug about its consumption. If someone asks, we give it a fancy name like Beef Bourguignon or French Cassoulet. Someone has to take a stand, so this evening I will put aside my smugness and enjoy my beef stew, possibly with a croissent.

Where's the beer? Although I inbibe ocasionally of  the beverage, I do not see its attraction. It's primary purpose seems to be the lubrication of the throat and the loosening of the tongue. The former can be accomplished with other less expensive liquids. And the latter will only suffice with more expensive. It can also be noted that the increased wagging of tongues is accompnied by widening of the waist.

I am convinced that lawn mowing has medicinal remedies yet to be discovered. Back and forth, the straight lines give you a sense that all is right with the world. Mind you, all mowing conditions have to be right. Steep grades and rocks especially can disrupt your sensibilities. But perfect conditions can make for a pleasant afternoon. Mowing at different angles brings out your inner artistic feelings for all the world to see. Hey neighbour, look at this, as good as the Yankees baseball field. Whoa! Keep that dog off my lawn.

Facebook for today: I think I can, I think I can.
chug-a chug-a
chug-a chug-a
The little bra that could.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

You Wouldn't Trip over Your Ego, Would You?

Two neighbours talking loud on the patio last night. I know a lot people that would have started a shouting match, but my wife just went out at midnight and put something in the garbage can. All quiet on the western front. Shouting with he neighbours is a bad idea. It gets the police involved and that would be bad news for donut shops.

Over the centuries, God in his wisdom has given man the means for the advancement of civilization. He has given us fire and the wheel and still continues helping us mortals. Today, his greatest achievement can be found in the hands of most men. A technical marvel that frustates women and makes a man the ruler of his world. And I, like any other man have a number of these TV remote controls at my disposal.

Guilt and consequences. We would prefer to go through life without emotional baggage. But can you go through life blameless? Can we be guilt free of all life's complications? With a little imagination we can attach it to someone else. Attaching blame is not a complicated procedure. The only person we really have to convince is ourselves. And we are our greatest admirer.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Want To Get Men Talking? All We Need Is A Case Of Beer And A Washroom.

I'm looking out the window and watching the grass wave their greeting. Any sane person would say it's the wind but I think it's the grass greeting their friendly barber. Come, give us a trim. You wouldn't want passersbys to think you uncaring. Dr. Dolittle had the animals. As Dr.Doless I have the grass. Requires a lot less caring than animals and leaves a lot less munure.

Coffee, you little devil. You have us by the short and curlies. And we love it. The permitted addiction shared by most civilized peoples. Can we use civilized and addiction in the same sentence? I guess we can in this instance since everyone agrees. Coffee praises are sung far and wide as is tea by the English. We are proud of our addiction. Inexpensive, it can be purchased by anyone. Is it the modern version of the Colosseum games? Then they gave them bread, now its coffee.  Bread kept them alive, coffee makes us alive. An addiction with absolutely no reprisals. Anyway, if coffee became a crime, where would Starbucks be doing? Making milkshakes I guess.

Read on my Twitter, "Men's groups gets men talking." Must be a woman who wrote that. Want to get men talking? All we need is a case of beer and a washroom. Why are women so obsessed with getting men in a group and talking? Do they have some kind of crusade or what? Would we have to form a circle and hold hands? Then we would have to sing "Oh Canada" and I'm not sure everyone would know the words. Is it that they want to give us a list of what to talk about? We would want to chose our own topics and would probably talk about women, beer, cars, tools, women, beer and women. Then again, I don't think we need a group for that. During breaks, we could talk about money.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Latest News Is Your Universe Even If You Don't Read

Notice how people can be equated with the universe? The center of the universe. That's us. How important we are. At least we are the center of something. And I guess it can be said that the center of our universe is never empty. Even though people may say that your head is empty. Universes colliding sounds so ominous but it can be no more than two people bumping into each other at Wal-mart. Universes expanding. Another prime example from a Wal-Mart excursion. Every universe is different, just like people. Mine is moving right now. Out to the kitchen to make a coffee. I saw a piece of blueberry pie somewhere. Enough to disrupt the universe? Perhaps. Do you think that scientists will believe that the expansion of the universe was caused by a piece of blueberry pie?

What a downpour we just had and it was only in front of the house. Checked the neighbours to make sure it was raining on them. Can you imagine if I was the only one? I would be like the guy on Lil' Abner. But it was ok. I never got beamed up into a spaceship or anything. Come to think of it, what if that was a space ship emptying out on me? I am going to put on dark glasses when I go out tomorrow. Hold it! I can't do that. My glasses turn black when I go outside. You know, a one house rainfall could be a good thing. Some yards around here could use a shower.

Your latest news. When is your daily news no longer news? I guess when it ceases to change. I don't mean fires or plane crashes. That's news. Remember the line," Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." Some news items are like that. Same news, different people. Looked at an old tape from the 80's the other day. On it was the news. What did I see?  The Israeli - Palestian peace talks. See what I mean? That's one of them guaranteed news items. No progress, no change, just a different cast of characters. And another favourite one is American elections. It appears when one is elected, they start their next campaign. More celebrities than employees of the people. And for the life of me, I can't see how they ever get anything done. But it does take up a lot of television space and circulates a lot of money.

Symphony Nova Scotia will be having some shows and it will cost you $52. to see them. I guess they are expecting a big turnout because of the celebrity wand waver. And that would be Red Green, duct tape and all. I guess you could call him the unofficial spokesman for the duct tape industry. Any bets if his wand is duct taped together. I have always been suspicious of wand wavers. Lets face it, the orchestra members know their job. They just need someone to tell them when to start. Someone stands in front, drops his hand and away they go. He is no longer needed but what can you do wth him?  He can't stand there like an idiot. Nor can he leave the stage. People would watch him. He would be a distraction. So in front he stays, pretending to be the leader. I've watched some of this on tv and have noticed that some of the orchestra members have their eyes closed while they play. So my suspicions were confirmed. I guess wand wavers were the first project managers.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mine And Wine

Fall weather is definately here. Leaves are starting to fall. Rain off and on. Supposed to be the same today. My daughter Natasha was sick on Sunday. Throwing up stale blood and having seizures all day. Yesterday she was running a high temp. She seems to be a bit better today.

When you do a quick scan of the morning paper you may not always get the right facts. I did that the other day. Really I did. The heading was "Explore wine country" and it was one column, the full length of the page. The rest of the page was about Cape Breton and had a large photo of Autumn. Flipping through that page registered as wine country in Cape Breton. As I was moving along, that was humming along through my mind. Grapes in Cape Breton? That's not what I remember. My thoughts are more like coal mines, electric poles that never seem to be put in straight, sagging electrical wires and of course black snow. Our snow is not as pretty as the red snow of Sudbury and the nickle mines surrounding it.

When I tried to focus on grapes and wine in this local, I only came up with two locations. One would be the shelves in the local liquor store covered with bottles of wine. The other would be a room in someone's basement with a sign over the door reading "Wine Country." Here you would find the bottled results of the latest batch. The excellent June, 2010 offering. A bit fruity with a hint of lobster. No one would find it in a Fess Parker Winery.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Friend Or Unfriend? That Is The Option.

Sure is a big change in temperature since last week. Sunday morning and its 12C/53F. There was no in between. Air Show this weekend. Everyone got wet yesterday. We went to a church dinner last evening and a good time was had by all. My daughter was sick while we were away and she is still sick today. Bed ridden since she was born and 37 now, she is starting to have more problems.

No Qur'an burning yesterday. The Muslims are so happy, they will probably go out and burn some Bibles. Oh, they were going to do that anyway. They can do all that crap and no one says anything. With them, there is only one side to an arguement, theirs. With us, no matter what they do, you have to discuss it. Did you know that the Americans sent a whole whack of Bibles over to their troops last year but the Army burnt them because they didn't want to piss off the Afgans. That's what I call compromise. I just found out that there was some Qur'an burning but on a small scale. People trying to get their fifteen minutes of fame. I guess that will put a price on their asses.

That was some gas explosion in California. What really got me was the photo from 2007. It showed a chalk mark circle on the road where there might be a problem. Sure enough, that's where it blew up. Imagine. Just sitting in your house, minding your own business and boom, gone. Looks like there will be a lot of busy lawyers.

Have you ever been unfriended on Facebook? They tell me that for some it is a very unsettling experience. In my opinion this is a very bad move. Especially if they are relatives. The next day, you are probably saying to yourself that you shouldn't have done it. And how will you ever be able to hold up your face at the next family funeral? As far as being in the will, well you've certainly screwed that. And what if that person wins the lottery? You'll be kicking your ass for the rest of your life. And what does it show about you? Well, I guess you're opiniated. Your opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. And you thought you were so cool. A person of the world, able to accept others opinions and let them roll off your back. Sorry, I guess you're not that way. You are just as stupid and ego oriented as the rest of us. There is another way of doing this unfriending business. All you have to do is block the person. Then you are still on the list of friends but you don't have to read any of their crap. You can always sneak back and check them out. And it would still be a go for the lottery and will.

So send out invites to those you axed. Tell them you were just cleaning up and that stupid Facebook took some of your people.

Friday, September 10, 2010

'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated'

Saw this photo yesterday of a tar sands protestor. Sitting with roses and covered with molasses to depict oil. The first thing that came to my mind was that she will need a shower. The second thing I thought of was that she will need a drive home and she wouldn't be getting in my car. That picture will make a great souvenir and only the future knows if it will be a photo of a crusader or an idiot.

The funniest headline I saw was "Obama: No more tax cuts for rich." That probably means that he is just going to mail them the money.

The Olde Salty Restaurant in Carolina Beach North Carolina, Has Banned Screaming Children From Their Establishment. Signs reading 'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated' are posted outside the restaurant. Of course this got a lot of publicity. The result being more business. It seems that people like to eat their meal in peace. Go figure.

Do you know that they have a new musical on Broadway for Spiderman? Can you just imagine,♫ "Swinging in the rain, I'm swinging in the rain, Just happy as hell to be swinging in the Rain."♫ I am trying to picture Spiderman swinging through the air and Yodeling as he goes from alp to alp.He could meet Peter Pan and hang out with Wendy. Do you know that the name Wendy was made up for the book. There is no Wendy in history. So you better stop telling people you're named after St.Wendy.

Lots of noise outside. Airshow this weekend and the Snowbirds are out practicing. One of the pilots This year is a woman. I guess she can crash a plane just as well as a man. Another thing happening tomorrow is the Hundred Mile Yardsale. I don't have to explain that.  Tomorrow is also a CWL dinner and my wife is taking me to that.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Swimming In Your Birthday Suit

Tuesday morning and it looks dismal out, though they say it will be quite warm. First chore of the day was to buy my lottery ticket for friday. Fools Tax. I need a second cup of coffee this morning. My lawn is covered with leaves from a Silver Maple down the street. It must be about 75 feet high. The top has already been trimmed once. It's a monster and it always loses its leaves first. The storm the other day helped to push that ahead. I'm not going to start sucking them up. I'll lawn mower them and maybe they will blow away. Betty wants me to look at a fan, the large square floor type. She says its intermittant. Probably the cord. Of course I threw out a box of cords a couple of weeks ago. Isn't that always the way?

Read this article,"Dog rescued from hot car." It reminds me about the airport. Every summer we would get call like that. Sometimes it would be dogs and sometimes children. We would have to send down the police and broadcast the licence number over the PA System. And there was never a case that it didn't turn out ok.
♫ People caring for people ♫ It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. ♫

Grabbed the fan to look at but then Betty grabbed me to go shopping. So did shopping, lunch and then the fan. Cleaned, oiled and changed the cord. back in business.

I just found out that you can't go swimming in our parks after 10 PM. Last week, some restaurant workers, went for a swim after their shift. (You may have thought skinny dipping but I didn't.) Along came the police and Bingo, a $200. ticket for each of them.  A little bit harsh for the Police, I would say. They could have just told them to leave. After all, we were in a heat wave. The criminals are going to contest this in court. Said that they haden't gotten into the water yet. I suppose the rule is there because of no lifeguards.

♫This summer I swam in a public place
And a reservoir to boot
At the latter I was informal
At the former I wore my suit
I wore my swimming suit ♫

Monday, September 6, 2010

Baby Carrots On The Move

Monday and today's job was to fix the two clothes lines. On one tree, the hook was a bit straightened out, so I replaced that. The other had the hook pulled out of the house. Put the hook back in, caulked it up and put a piece of siding over it. Didn't want any hole left there. Wasps might go in and start something. So with my son's help, job done.

No newspaper today. That means that tomorrows obituary column will be twice as long. Last week I wrote about a coffin sale. I thought that was a rare thing, but I guess it isn't. Because now I hear them advertised on tv. Competation must be getting stiff. (I didn't realize about the last sentence until it was finished.)

Read about this town in Clarkson, Mich. Seems they are getting cash strapped, so they fired the whole police force. That's weird, but it gets weirder. It seems they had a police chief, one full time cop, seven part time cops and some reservists. I guess we won't be wondering why they are cash strapped if the whole town operates that way. And did I mention that the town has a population of 1000.

Someone is outside, continuously blowing the car horn. Better watch out that someone doesn't come along and stuff that horn. The horn has stopped and I did hear a little yell.

What's new on the baby carrot front? It seems that they are pushing baby carrots so that they will appear to be junk food. The 'Eat' Em Like junk Food' campaign hopes to get people excited about them. The Halloween version will be called Scarrots, ideal to give out for trick and treat. Yes, I can see that the kids will be really excited about that. The baby carrots will be packaged like chips and also sold in school vending machines. They want to get people not to think of them as a vegetable. I wonder how long it will take before they screw that up and the carrots will actually be junk food, bearing no resemblence to a vegetable.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Watch That Weiner!

Hurricane gone. The bending of the trees broke one clothes line and the other had the its hook pulled out of the house. So that ripped a bit of siding and tore out some insulation. Now it's a project or should I change it to a problem? Problem it is then.

The leader of the Liberal Party has been doing a bus tour across Canada. That's the guy that looks like Stan Laurel. I guess he is trying to acquaint himself with the country he hopes to run at some point, hoping sooner rather than later. I believe I am right in saying that he has spent the greater part of his life living somewhere else. He is an artsy type of guy, which isn't my cup of tea. Speaking of tea, he lived in England and had an artsy type of late night tv show. I don't know how that tour is working out as I've hardly heard any noise about it. But he is in our neck of the woods now and out newspaper is falling all over themselves to flaunt his presence.

I've posted a photo of a barbacue and his Chefness doing the honours. Don't know what he is trying to say, so I will have to take a stab at it.
"If Harper can do this, so can I."
"Now, which one is the hot dog and which one is the hamburger?
"This is a fork and the other one is a thing."
"Do people really eat these things?"
"I can't figure out how this fits with Champagne."
"I bet my wife is standing behind me, hoping I don't blow it."
"I can feel all the stares but I have to make a decision. That will be something new."
"Wonder if they like my neat jeans?"
"Th NDP Party did this to me. Darn NDP province. I'm taking my weiner and going home."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Armageddon Is At Hand Or Just A Fish Story

I guess we can call this pre-hurricane day. The TV newscasters make such a big issue out of this. You would think it was pre-armageddon. When it gets here, it's only going to be a category 1. Wind and rain, we get it all the time. I would be more concerned if it had snow with it. Watching it on TV, I could see scores of people wheeling out stocked up shopping carts from the grocery stores. You would think starvation was staring them in the face. By the size of some of them, a few days of dieting might do them some good. The biggest thing that surprises me is the people going to the hardware store buying plywood to cover the windows. I've always wondered if people save this plywood or do they just turf it out. As if there will never be another hurricane.

I'm supposed to batten down the hatches. But I'm not a ship so I don't have hatches. I'll have to batten down something else. I guess I can batten down my deck chairs and my garbage cans. Speaking of garbage, Monday is my normal garbage day but it is also a holiday, so they changed it to Saturday, tomorrow, which is hurricane day. I read yesterday that they changed that to next Saturday, which I find a bit on the stupid side since normal garbage day is two days later. Of course the answer is that it has to do with money. Extra money for working on that Sat. We are starting to be like Americans. Common sense does not prevail where money is involved.

Read this article awhile back and it had to do with Atlantic Herring. It seems that herring are getting smarter. Well, what do you expect? They swim around in a school, don't they? People and herring seem to be changing places. In their school, herring are in a learning mode. In our schools, they seem to be trying to get an award for being the most stupid. Back to the herring. It used to be that a net would come along and sweep up the whole school. So they never had a chance to learn anything in school. But one fish must have caught on and told all the rest to swim closer to the floor and the net couldn't get them. Now they all do it. I wonder if this is included in Black Swan Theory?

So do schools of fish have leaders? Like a quarterback or something? They would be peacefully swimming along and then a net appears. "Dive dive, net ahead." It seems to work. I wonder what they will start doing next now that they are getting an education? Maybe they will be lawyers and sue us for ruining their enviroment. Next it could be crows, sueing us for throwing stones at them. Then its worms sueing for cruel and unusual punishment. Fish hooks indeed. This whole thing gives me a bad vibe. The real armageddon. We better start to batten down the hatches.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

To Cross-Dress Or Not, That Is The Question?

"Hey Norm!" Everyone knows Norm. Real name, george Wendt. He sat on the colon warmer on the back side of the bar. So, is he just a piece of the furniture or is he an extra? It appears that if you are alive, you're an extra. I wonder if those extras actually say anything to each other or just move their mouth up and down. Anyway, Norm was a special extra. He had lines to say so he gets bumped up to supporting actor. He only had a few lines to say, even though you only need six words, to have a cheque rolling in each month.

So where is Norm now? Well his handprints are at Disney world and he has moved on to greater heights in entertainment. His new Mantra is "If its good enough for Regis, it's good enough for me." He has taken this to heart and is now working out of the Charlottetown Festival. He plays Edna in the Broadway Musical "Hairspray." Yes. I said Edna. I guess Norm has taken up cross dressing. Maybe he classifies himself as a Shakespearean actor. In those days, all women's parts were played by men. If that's the case, he has the wrong idea. But who are we to judge? After all, he may have bar bills to pay. If his next gig is at the Savoy Theatre in Sydney, we know which direction his career is headed.