The Latest News Is Your Universe Even If You Don't Read

Notice how people can be equated with the universe? The center of the universe. That's us. How important we are. At least we are the center of something. And I guess it can be said that the center of our universe is never empty. Even though people may say that your head is empty. Universes colliding sounds so ominous but it can be no more than two people bumping into each other at Wal-mart. Universes expanding. Another prime example from a Wal-Mart excursion. Every universe is different, just like people. Mine is moving right now. Out to the kitchen to make a coffee. I saw a piece of blueberry pie somewhere. Enough to disrupt the universe? Perhaps. Do you think that scientists will believe that the expansion of the universe was caused by a piece of blueberry pie?

What a downpour we just had and it was only in front of the house. Checked the neighbours to make sure it was raining on them. Can you imagine if I was the only one? I would be like the guy on Lil' Abner. But it was ok. I never got beamed up into a spaceship or anything. Come to think of it, what if that was a space ship emptying out on me? I am going to put on dark glasses when I go out tomorrow. Hold it! I can't do that. My glasses turn black when I go outside. You know, a one house rainfall could be a good thing. Some yards around here could use a shower.

Your latest news. When is your daily news no longer news? I guess when it ceases to change. I don't mean fires or plane crashes. That's news. Remember the line," Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." Some news items are like that. Same news, different people. Looked at an old tape from the 80's the other day. On it was the news. What did I see?  The Israeli - Palestian peace talks. See what I mean? That's one of them guaranteed news items. No progress, no change, just a different cast of characters. And another favourite one is American elections. It appears when one is elected, they start their next campaign. More celebrities than employees of the people. And for the life of me, I can't see how they ever get anything done. But it does take up a lot of television space and circulates a lot of money.

Symphony Nova Scotia will be having some shows and it will cost you $52. to see them. I guess they are expecting a big turnout because of the celebrity wand waver. And that would be Red Green, duct tape and all. I guess you could call him the unofficial spokesman for the duct tape industry. Any bets if his wand is duct taped together. I have always been suspicious of wand wavers. Lets face it, the orchestra members know their job. They just need someone to tell them when to start. Someone stands in front, drops his hand and away they go. He is no longer needed but what can you do wth him?  He can't stand there like an idiot. Nor can he leave the stage. People would watch him. He would be a distraction. So in front he stays, pretending to be the leader. I've watched some of this on tv and have noticed that some of the orchestra members have their eyes closed while they play. So my suspicions were confirmed. I guess wand wavers were the first project managers.

Walking Drunk!

When I finish with the newspaper today, I'm going to take it out and pee on it. Is that the same as weed killer? One article really ticked me off. There was an interview with a city manager, who is in charge of making the city green. Could this be the culprit responsible for not allowing me to kill my Dandelions? Anyway, they are asking this turkey about evasive plants and bugs. Along the side they have a list of his credentials. He has a Bachelor of Commerce degree. Then he worked in the offshore oil industry for 10 years. After that he got a city job as manager of procurement. Then it was Enviroment Management Office. Someone from the oil industry telling us how to look after the enviroment. I can see where this is really a great choice. A perfect resume for telling everyone how to take care of their lawn. Wonder if he ever worked for BP?

There was a second part to this no use of pesticides. If you own a lawn care copmany, it's ok to use pesticides. So, is this an example of wanting to keep the students summer jobs, or does someone have their hand in someone's else's back pocket. Another thing. Have you ever noticed how someone can be CEO of McDonalds one day and the next, he can be CEO of Funeral Homes? You know what that is? It's not what you know, its who you know. Take California for example. The CEO of ebay wants to be the Governor. On second thought, that may be a good idea. California may have a lot of auctioning off to do.

Back to my newspaper. One-third of the front page and one-half of the second page concerned a lesbian couple from North Carolina who were getting married. Slow news day or what? The other day, it was about drunken city councillors. Maybe that why we get dumb ass managers. It seems that the Mayor had to chastise some for driving drunk, walking drunk and showing up drunk at meetings. One even showed up drunk at the swearing in ceremony. Walking drunk! Are you out of your mind? The Mayor took these people aside and gave them a tongue lashing and made them stand in the corner. He knew about a few of them but the others came by way that a school teacher would find out from five year olds in a school yard. "Miss Betty, I saw Johnnie in the outhouse, throwing the catalogue down the hole." 

Which brings up a question. Did they only use catalogues, or did they use magazines too? Pre Playboy weren't they? Women't toilets had a half moon on the door and I'm wondering why is that the only one you see? Maybe because men could just go behind a tree.