An Onion A Day

   

     Depending on airport flights, airport waits can be long, and if not prepared, tedious. I find that a book as a travelling companion is a must. With or without a book, people watching can be most interesting, productive or disheartening.
     I sit in New Jersey - my carry-all luggage wrapped around me - a chapter finished. The spies can wait while I eyeball my surroundings. Raising my head, my first blink, like a photo, captures a couple, each with a hamburger laid out on a napkin, which tries its best to stay in place on their laps. It appears each has ordered a patty with the same trimmings. As I watch, they began to trade condiments - she dislikes onions, he tomatoes, she dislikes pickles, and he lettuce - and so it goes. With trading completed - both satisfied, they press their sandwiches back together, happy for the trade. They appear to be a good match.
     A man walks by holding a submarine sandwich by three fingers. The other two fingers clasp onto a dangling plastic bag. It hangs down rigid, eight inches long, dragged down by the weight of an onion. Not just any onion, but a large one, yet unpeeled, its outer skin green and brown. Is it a souvenir - something to brag about to Midwest relatives, "Everything is large in New York, look at this onion." Then again, it could be dessert, one I would shy away from, and I suppose from anyone who consumes one raw. Wonder what flight he is on?

Careful With the Dildow

Someone mentioned that I must have seen some strange goings on when I worked at the airport. And that's an understatement. I'll mention a few. I know that the airport couldn't do this but it sure would help middle age women if they were allowed to put up a sign which read. "Before proceeding through baggage inspection, please insure that the batteries have been removed from your vibrator." Laugh as you will, its not an infrequent mishap. I get an alarm and I get the cameras rolling. Security searches through the bag, finds the item and holds it up in the air to show that it is not a threat. And there he is, "King Kong" for all the world to see. And for the lady, not the celebrity she wanted to be.

Some monitors always have the same picture on them. A spot such as a gate are always watched. One morning I was sitting there and I saw one of the employees climbing up the gate. He didn't bother going through the main door or security doors. Honed in on him, got all the photos, did the alarms and there he was nabbed. I get a pat on the back and he gets a $500. fine. Could have been worse for him. On the other hand, if I hadn't caught him, it would have been worse for me. It could have been a test.

That's enough of the serious stuff. One morning I was near the bottom of the escalator where the people come down from Arrivals and go through the door to meet their loved ones. Coming down the escalator was a good looking girl around 20. She was wearing blue jean shorts and a tank top. She also had crutches because she had two broken legs. Both legs had full casts. She gets to the bottom and asks if I would help her. Told me that she had a cramp in her stomach and would I massage it fo her. That would have looked really great on camera. Photos for everyone. Anyway, up went the red flare and I suggested that I could hold her crutches, she could put one hand on my shoulder to steady herself and massage her own stomach. true story. I couldn
t make up one like that.

Britney Spears On The Run

At least that's what she called herself as she made a dash through security the other day at Halifax Int. Airport. She ran past the guys that check carry-on luggage, up the stairs, hoping to get to the secure area where the planes are loaded. Well, she really has high hopes there. That just ain't going to happen. Having had the responsibility of trapping those people, I can tell you how that works.

Airport security is controlled from Security Operations Center. It is a secure area away from everything. The Fort Knox of the airport. All camera operation, monitors, computers, radio ops, lock controls, passwords and anything pertaining to security is controlled from there. The person running this is called a SOC Operator. I had that job for five years. All are ex military. When I was there, sometimes there was only one person on. Now there is always two.

Running through security? We practice that all the time. At the top of the stairs to the secure area there are four doors which seperates it from the baggage inspection. If someone runs, security pushes an alarm. The SOC Op. locks the doors and only he can open them. At the same time he has a camera on the person and is able to switch from camera to camera to track the person. At the same time again, he has a foot switch for the radio and is broadcasting all that is going on. He has alerted one R.C.M.P. and four Security Police. These police are ex R.C.M.P., ex City Police and ex Military Police. So Britany got to the top of the stairs and had no place to go. By now all police have her under tow. Off to the looney bin.

The Day Before

This is Monday, June 2.

Today is garbage day. There is usually a parade of trucks driving by the evening before. Looking for anything useful. You can be sure that all the metal will be picked up. Whatever is left is really garbage. I look at this as a good thing. Everything gets recycled, one way or another. I've picked up things from my neighbours that I can use. I don't think any of them would. The last thing I picked up was a footstool. The top is a padded lid. It's for magazines etc. The only thing wrong with it was that one of the hinges had become unscrewed. Three screws later, it sits in my living room.

I have a next door neghbour, who is divorced with two daughters. She has two cars in the driveway. One doesn't work and has been sitting there for years. It has become her storage shed. The other car has been sitting there for a month because it has a flat tire. My wife says that I should be a good neighbour and change the tire for her. I said no, I would be a fool if I changed it. She has two daughters, with two boyfriends, who walk past that car every day. They stay over a lot of nights. I think they should change the tire.

On Sat. she hops in her car, drives out of the driveway and parks it in front of the house. Still with a flat tire. I go to church that evening and when I come home, I see that the shedcar is gone. My wife tells me that someone came and towed the car away, And what else? They changed the tire on the other car.

The one thing I can't understand is with all those cars is that they didn't park in front of their house. They parked in front of mine. Hopefully, with one car gone, someone will park in the driveway. But, this is not a sure thing.

I have to get up at 4 AM tomorrow. Becauseeee! I am going to California tomorrow with my son. I say going with, but actually he is taking me. So I am looking forward to that.