Tim Horton's

I saw this ad on TV for Tim Horton's. It showed how easy it was to get a hamburger. The guy had a cell phone and on it was the picture of a hamburger. All he did was press a button and a hamburger jumped out. Now I would like to see that. But I may be out of luck there, I don't have a cell phone. 
I was at the Bank not too long ago and the cashier said I could do something with my cell phone. I told her I didn't have one and she almost fainted. Her mouth dropped to the floor and she had trouble speaking. When she finally recovered and asked me why, I asked her why I needed one. All she could say was but, but, but...

Coffee and Sugar

When I was 18, for Lent I gave up sugar in my tea. Later on, in the Air Force, I drank coffee without sugar. Just think. Sixty years without sugar. I must have had a major effect on sugar prices. That must have been felt down through the whole food train. 
Someone gave me a coffee one day with sugar. Couldn't drink it. In my house we only use sugar for baking. So there is no big rush to buy sugar when it is on sale. 
I've read this, "Even if someone tells you the truth, who will listen?" That goes very well with what is going on now. Some listen, some don't. Possibly we only listen to what we want to hear. All leaders assume they are right and want to pull us into their sphere. Right or wrong, we suffer the results.
Alright, confession. I never read that sentence, I wrote it.

World Problems

This morning I am going out with a friend for coffee. After an hour, we will have solved all the problems in the world. 

RISE & SHINE

When I wake up in the morning, I am full of new ideas. Then I smarten up.

Boxing Day.

I awoke up to the sound of a big truck outside. Oh, oh. Garbage man. Wine and turkey doesn't seem to help a flagging memory. My wife had also heard the truck, a little earlier on, and ran out in her pyjamis, and did the job. I patted her on the back and told her she was a good trooper, after which she answered, "Yeah, sure."

I will tell you that I haven't been entirly lazy in this garbage fiasco. When I looked out the door on Sat. morning, I noticed everyone on the street had their garbage out, and me, being the little sheep that I am, quickly put mine out. But as the day dragged on, I had second thoughts, so I checked the garbage pickup flyer. And there it was in blue and red, Monday is normal pickup day. So I dragged mine back in. I couldn't help but notice, everyone left theirs out, even on Christmas Day.

Last week there was all that ranting about us having a green christmas. Well that didn't happen, got almost a foot of snow on Friday. We ended up shoveling heavy slush and got the driveway cleared out. The snowplow driver decided to give us another swipe, sometimes after midnight. A line of slush across my driveway, which of course was frozen by the time I got up. I hate driving over that ice, I've had ruined tires before.

My wife solved the problem of my Christmas coffee cup. She brought me a new one. It has a house that lights up when the cup gets hot. I guess I will be able to tell when my coffee gets cold.

I didn't do any writing yesterday and now I have all these words in my head I have to get rid of or they will become memories and I'll think they actually happened.

My brother Tony worked all weekend, so is coming over for Christmas dinner today. For him its Christmas dinner, for me it's leftovers. To be truthful, I do love turkey leftovers.

Jack Sakalauskas
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Want To Get Men Talking? All We Need Is A Case Of Beer And A Washroom.

I'm looking out the window and watching the grass wave their greeting. Any sane person would say it's the wind but I think it's the grass greeting their friendly barber. Come, give us a trim. You wouldn't want passersbys to think you uncaring. Dr. Dolittle had the animals. As Dr.Doless I have the grass. Requires a lot less caring than animals and leaves a lot less munure.

Coffee, you little devil. You have us by the short and curlies. And we love it. The permitted addiction shared by most civilized peoples. Can we use civilized and addiction in the same sentence? I guess we can in this instance since everyone agrees. Coffee praises are sung far and wide as is tea by the English. We are proud of our addiction. Inexpensive, it can be purchased by anyone. Is it the modern version of the Colosseum games? Then they gave them bread, now its coffee.  Bread kept them alive, coffee makes us alive. An addiction with absolutely no reprisals. Anyway, if coffee became a crime, where would Starbucks be doing? Making milkshakes I guess.

Read on my Twitter, "Men's groups gets men talking." Must be a woman who wrote that. Want to get men talking? All we need is a case of beer and a washroom. Why are women so obsessed with getting men in a group and talking? Do they have some kind of crusade or what? Would we have to form a circle and hold hands? Then we would have to sing "Oh Canada" and I'm not sure everyone would know the words. Is it that they want to give us a list of what to talk about? We would want to chose our own topics and would probably talk about women, beer, cars, tools, women, beer and women. Then again, I don't think we need a group for that. During breaks, we could talk about money.

No More Water Pipes For Women

Saw this article the other day and it said that Hamas won't allow women to use water pipes any more. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Those Arabs, they won't even allow the women to use taps anymore. They will have to get water from the well." I would not find this so far fetched as you imagine, because just awhile ago they outlawed women riding on motorbikes. Not just driving them, but riding on the back seat behind their husbands. I don't know if they can still ride on donkeys. A lot of the older women agree with thes laws. Yep, I'm sure Allah sat down and said, "This with women riding on bikes has got to stop.From now on they walk, I have spoken.""Boom, clap of thunder." Anyway, they wern't taking about those pipes, they were talking about smoking pipes. I copied this so we are all on the same page.

"In street cafeterias one can order a coffee or tea and a sheesha. Usual choice for a water pipe (nargilla) order would be a very light tobacco mixed with aromatic fruits - apple, cherry, etc. You can see people spending hours over nargillah and a drink of tea or coffee. Very pleasant, relaxing experience helps socializing and making new contacts.  The smoke itself is very light and pleasant, even for those who don't normally smoke! Specially constructed water pipe additionally filters the smoke through water, and cools it down in long brass tubes, offering rather a tasty "dessert" than a smoking experience."

What got me was the "spending hours." Those lazy louts. They just don't want to work. They could be out rioting or throwing rocks.  Some men don't get off that easy either. Standing next to a woman in public. Bad News Bears for you. Wearing shorts?  I wouldn't want to imagine the punishment for that. And Adultry?  Oh! Sorry.That's O.K. It was the woman's fault. Maybe one ear was showing.

To Rooftop Garden Or Not

♫ Coffee. I've had my first coffee. ♫
I stole that song from a Twitter friend. I'll have to fess up. Don't want to be known as a Twitter Thief. Finally broke that bagel and coffee rut I was in. Today it was toasted rye bread, banana and ♫ coffee ♫. Read the newspaper and there is no Dagwood on Sunday, so that sets the tone for the day. Dagwood will be back tomorrow, I can muddle thru till then.

An article the other day, about half a page, gushed with the benefits of a rooftop garden. I look at this as blatant irresponsibility staring down at me with the fangs of T.Rex. All the Green, Tree Hugging, apt. dwellers will look at this and think. Yes! That could be me. Their eyes become glazed over with visions of rooftop fields of Lettuce, Tomatoes and Bok Choy. Trees for Christmas and two Maple Leaf trees to get Maple Syrup from and hold their hammock. In actual fact, what they will probably plant is radishes. Everyone seems to plant radishes.

Lets get back to the garden on the roof. Get serious.You can't just go out and get a ton of dirt and dump it on your roof. These gardens are for buildings that are especially designed for this purpose. If your garden isn't sitting atop a drainage system, where is the water going to go. (Now speak like a 5 yr.old.) "That's ok, the plants will drink all the water and be really healthy and we will have lots of Bok Choy." Now on to the Christmas and Maple Tree. Ever hear of roots. No, not the TV show. The things a tree has instead of feet. On TV they can walk around with them but in real life they are stuck in one place. And like most peoples waistline the roots keep growing. They grow down, into any crack in the cement they can find. The result. You will be infested with birds nests and squirrels.

Years ago, a friend of mine told me about his brother who managed an apt. building in Toronto. A tenant complained that there was water leaking from his ceiling. The mgr. figured he better go look. Sure enough, the whole ceiling was leaking water. Upstaires was a family from Pakistan so he went up to check. He knocked on the door and when it opened he noticed that the whole living room was a garden and the man was there with a hose watering it.

Saw this photo in the paper this morning. At first glance it was, "Oh my God, Alien right here in Halifax." But after a mouthfull of ♫ coffee ♫ I saw that it was just a guy living hand to mouth.