How do you go in to be out? Go in to work to be out of the house.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Don't think about it. Let that drift off.

When you get up in the morning, you have to make your bed. You can't start the day in a disorganized mess or soon it will be shaving every three days, the forgotten haircut, shower and change of clothes. Then you're a three letter word.

This looks about right.

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language

I wonder who came up with the idea that Ostriches bury their head in the sand? They must have been thinking about Clams.

One of those things that just didn't catch on. 1956 - General Electric - Wall Fridge Freezer - Magazine Ad -

When I opened up the loaf of bread this morning, the first thing I saw was two ends.

When I saw the ad about the collapsible hose, I wondered if he got the idea from a bungee cord.

I guess the plans I have for what to do with my lottery win will have to be put on hold.

Memories can sometimes be a real pain in the ass.

Some people can't function without help, some countries are the same.

Wonder if the hurricane is coming on Thursday? Should check the lineup at the liquor store.

I use a hard tooth brush. I think a soft one only shines up the plaque.

The first loss for a politician is truth.

When you go to bed, sleep is sometimes hard to attain and when it arrives, it seems to last but a second.

When I was young, I wanted to join the Foreign Legion, but then I realized you had to know French. So I joined the R.C.A.F. Then I realized you had to know French.

Some people like to mention that they know someone who ran away to the circus. But I know someone who ran away from the circus.

Some people think that Trump is an ass, but lets face it, at times, aren't we all. The only time you are referred to as a great person is in your obituary.

Rule of 50: Give a book 50 pages. When you get to the bottom of Page 50, ask yourself if you're really liking the book. If you are, of course, then great, keep on reading. But if you're not, then put it down and look for another. Bad writers should probably write only 50 pages.