To Eat, Drink and Mow The Lawn

A bowl of beef stew. I do believe that this is not a rich man's menu choice. Not that I have read many rich man's menus. I have read their memoirs and have yet to see a mention of beef stew. I'm sure they know what beef stew is and probably think it a food staple of those "other people." We, the "other people," also never have a conversation about beef stew. There are no movies or songs that attest to its goodness. It stays in the closet, to be hauled out on a cold winter's day like an old overcoat. We tell no one and remain smug about its consumption. If someone asks, we give it a fancy name like Beef Bourguignon or French Cassoulet. Someone has to take a stand, so this evening I will put aside my smugness and enjoy my beef stew, possibly with a croissent.

Where's the beer? Although I inbibe ocasionally of  the beverage, I do not see its attraction. It's primary purpose seems to be the lubrication of the throat and the loosening of the tongue. The former can be accomplished with other less expensive liquids. And the latter will only suffice with more expensive. It can also be noted that the increased wagging of tongues is accompnied by widening of the waist.

I am convinced that lawn mowing has medicinal remedies yet to be discovered. Back and forth, the straight lines give you a sense that all is right with the world. Mind you, all mowing conditions have to be right. Steep grades and rocks especially can disrupt your sensibilities. But perfect conditions can make for a pleasant afternoon. Mowing at different angles brings out your inner artistic feelings for all the world to see. Hey neighbour, look at this, as good as the Yankees baseball field. Whoa! Keep that dog off my lawn.

Facebook for today: I think I can, I think I can.
chug-a chug-a
chug-a chug-a
The little bra that could.

You Wouldn't Trip over Your Ego, Would You?

Two neighbours talking loud on the patio last night. I know a lot people that would have started a shouting match, but my wife just went out at midnight and put something in the garbage can. All quiet on the western front. Shouting with he neighbours is a bad idea. It gets the police involved and that would be bad news for donut shops.

Over the centuries, God in his wisdom has given man the means for the advancement of civilization. He has given us fire and the wheel and still continues helping us mortals. Today, his greatest achievement can be found in the hands of most men. A technical marvel that frustates women and makes a man the ruler of his world. And I, like any other man have a number of these TV remote controls at my disposal.

Guilt and consequences. We would prefer to go through life without emotional baggage. But can you go through life blameless? Can we be guilt free of all life's complications? With a little imagination we can attach it to someone else. Attaching blame is not a complicated procedure. The only person we really have to convince is ourselves. And we are our greatest admirer.

Want To Get Men Talking? All We Need Is A Case Of Beer And A Washroom.

I'm looking out the window and watching the grass wave their greeting. Any sane person would say it's the wind but I think it's the grass greeting their friendly barber. Come, give us a trim. You wouldn't want passersbys to think you uncaring. Dr. Dolittle had the animals. As Dr.Doless I have the grass. Requires a lot less caring than animals and leaves a lot less munure.

Coffee, you little devil. You have us by the short and curlies. And we love it. The permitted addiction shared by most civilized peoples. Can we use civilized and addiction in the same sentence? I guess we can in this instance since everyone agrees. Coffee praises are sung far and wide as is tea by the English. We are proud of our addiction. Inexpensive, it can be purchased by anyone. Is it the modern version of the Colosseum games? Then they gave them bread, now its coffee.  Bread kept them alive, coffee makes us alive. An addiction with absolutely no reprisals. Anyway, if coffee became a crime, where would Starbucks be doing? Making milkshakes I guess.

Read on my Twitter, "Men's groups gets men talking." Must be a woman who wrote that. Want to get men talking? All we need is a case of beer and a washroom. Why are women so obsessed with getting men in a group and talking? Do they have some kind of crusade or what? Would we have to form a circle and hold hands? Then we would have to sing "Oh Canada" and I'm not sure everyone would know the words. Is it that they want to give us a list of what to talk about? We would want to chose our own topics and would probably talk about women, beer, cars, tools, women, beer and women. Then again, I don't think we need a group for that. During breaks, we could talk about money.

The Latest News Is Your Universe Even If You Don't Read

Notice how people can be equated with the universe? The center of the universe. That's us. How important we are. At least we are the center of something. And I guess it can be said that the center of our universe is never empty. Even though people may say that your head is empty. Universes colliding sounds so ominous but it can be no more than two people bumping into each other at Wal-mart. Universes expanding. Another prime example from a Wal-Mart excursion. Every universe is different, just like people. Mine is moving right now. Out to the kitchen to make a coffee. I saw a piece of blueberry pie somewhere. Enough to disrupt the universe? Perhaps. Do you think that scientists will believe that the expansion of the universe was caused by a piece of blueberry pie?

What a downpour we just had and it was only in front of the house. Checked the neighbours to make sure it was raining on them. Can you imagine if I was the only one? I would be like the guy on Lil' Abner. But it was ok. I never got beamed up into a spaceship or anything. Come to think of it, what if that was a space ship emptying out on me? I am going to put on dark glasses when I go out tomorrow. Hold it! I can't do that. My glasses turn black when I go outside. You know, a one house rainfall could be a good thing. Some yards around here could use a shower.

Your latest news. When is your daily news no longer news? I guess when it ceases to change. I don't mean fires or plane crashes. That's news. Remember the line," Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." Some news items are like that. Same news, different people. Looked at an old tape from the 80's the other day. On it was the news. What did I see?  The Israeli - Palestian peace talks. See what I mean? That's one of them guaranteed news items. No progress, no change, just a different cast of characters. And another favourite one is American elections. It appears when one is elected, they start their next campaign. More celebrities than employees of the people. And for the life of me, I can't see how they ever get anything done. But it does take up a lot of television space and circulates a lot of money.

Symphony Nova Scotia will be having some shows and it will cost you $52. to see them. I guess they are expecting a big turnout because of the celebrity wand waver. And that would be Red Green, duct tape and all. I guess you could call him the unofficial spokesman for the duct tape industry. Any bets if his wand is duct taped together. I have always been suspicious of wand wavers. Lets face it, the orchestra members know their job. They just need someone to tell them when to start. Someone stands in front, drops his hand and away they go. He is no longer needed but what can you do wth him?  He can't stand there like an idiot. Nor can he leave the stage. People would watch him. He would be a distraction. So in front he stays, pretending to be the leader. I've watched some of this on tv and have noticed that some of the orchestra members have their eyes closed while they play. So my suspicions were confirmed. I guess wand wavers were the first project managers.

Mine And Wine

Fall weather is definately here. Leaves are starting to fall. Rain off and on. Supposed to be the same today. My daughter Natasha was sick on Sunday. Throwing up stale blood and having seizures all day. Yesterday she was running a high temp. She seems to be a bit better today.

When you do a quick scan of the morning paper you may not always get the right facts. I did that the other day. Really I did. The heading was "Explore wine country" and it was one column, the full length of the page. The rest of the page was about Cape Breton and had a large photo of Autumn. Flipping through that page registered as wine country in Cape Breton. As I was moving along, that was humming along through my mind. Grapes in Cape Breton? That's not what I remember. My thoughts are more like coal mines, electric poles that never seem to be put in straight, sagging electrical wires and of course black snow. Our snow is not as pretty as the red snow of Sudbury and the nickle mines surrounding it.

When I tried to focus on grapes and wine in this local, I only came up with two locations. One would be the shelves in the local liquor store covered with bottles of wine. The other would be a room in someone's basement with a sign over the door reading "Wine Country." Here you would find the bottled results of the latest batch. The excellent June, 2010 offering. A bit fruity with a hint of lobster. No one would find it in a Fess Parker Winery.

Friend Or Unfriend? That Is The Option.

Sure is a big change in temperature since last week. Sunday morning and its 12C/53F. There was no in between. Air Show this weekend. Everyone got wet yesterday. We went to a church dinner last evening and a good time was had by all. My daughter was sick while we were away and she is still sick today. Bed ridden since she was born and 37 now, she is starting to have more problems.

No Qur'an burning yesterday. The Muslims are so happy, they will probably go out and burn some Bibles. Oh, they were going to do that anyway. They can do all that crap and no one says anything. With them, there is only one side to an arguement, theirs. With us, no matter what they do, you have to discuss it. Did you know that the Americans sent a whole whack of Bibles over to their troops last year but the Army burnt them because they didn't want to piss off the Afgans. That's what I call compromise. I just found out that there was some Qur'an burning but on a small scale. People trying to get their fifteen minutes of fame. I guess that will put a price on their asses.

That was some gas explosion in California. What really got me was the photo from 2007. It showed a chalk mark circle on the road where there might be a problem. Sure enough, that's where it blew up. Imagine. Just sitting in your house, minding your own business and boom, gone. Looks like there will be a lot of busy lawyers.

Have you ever been unfriended on Facebook? They tell me that for some it is a very unsettling experience. In my opinion this is a very bad move. Especially if they are relatives. The next day, you are probably saying to yourself that you shouldn't have done it. And how will you ever be able to hold up your face at the next family funeral? As far as being in the will, well you've certainly screwed that. And what if that person wins the lottery? You'll be kicking your ass for the rest of your life. And what does it show about you? Well, I guess you're opiniated. Your opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. And you thought you were so cool. A person of the world, able to accept others opinions and let them roll off your back. Sorry, I guess you're not that way. You are just as stupid and ego oriented as the rest of us. There is another way of doing this unfriending business. All you have to do is block the person. Then you are still on the list of friends but you don't have to read any of their crap. You can always sneak back and check them out. And it would still be a go for the lottery and will.

So send out invites to those you axed. Tell them you were just cleaning up and that stupid Facebook took some of your people.

'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated'

Saw this photo yesterday of a tar sands protestor. Sitting with roses and covered with molasses to depict oil. The first thing that came to my mind was that she will need a shower. The second thing I thought of was that she will need a drive home and she wouldn't be getting in my car. That picture will make a great souvenir and only the future knows if it will be a photo of a crusader or an idiot.

The funniest headline I saw was "Obama: No more tax cuts for rich." That probably means that he is just going to mail them the money.

The Olde Salty Restaurant in Carolina Beach North Carolina, Has Banned Screaming Children From Their Establishment. Signs reading 'Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated' are posted outside the restaurant. Of course this got a lot of publicity. The result being more business. It seems that people like to eat their meal in peace. Go figure.

Do you know that they have a new musical on Broadway for Spiderman? Can you just imagine,♫ "Swinging in the rain, I'm swinging in the rain, Just happy as hell to be swinging in the Rain."♫ I am trying to picture Spiderman swinging through the air and Yodeling as he goes from alp to alp.He could meet Peter Pan and hang out with Wendy. Do you know that the name Wendy was made up for the book. There is no Wendy in history. So you better stop telling people you're named after St.Wendy.

Lots of noise outside. Airshow this weekend and the Snowbirds are out practicing. One of the pilots This year is a woman. I guess she can crash a plane just as well as a man. Another thing happening tomorrow is the Hundred Mile Yardsale. I don't have to explain that.  Tomorrow is also a CWL dinner and my wife is taking me to that.

Swimming In Your Birthday Suit

Tuesday morning and it looks dismal out, though they say it will be quite warm. First chore of the day was to buy my lottery ticket for friday. Fools Tax. I need a second cup of coffee this morning. My lawn is covered with leaves from a Silver Maple down the street. It must be about 75 feet high. The top has already been trimmed once. It's a monster and it always loses its leaves first. The storm the other day helped to push that ahead. I'm not going to start sucking them up. I'll lawn mower them and maybe they will blow away. Betty wants me to look at a fan, the large square floor type. She says its intermittant. Probably the cord. Of course I threw out a box of cords a couple of weeks ago. Isn't that always the way?

Read this article,"Dog rescued from hot car." It reminds me about the airport. Every summer we would get call like that. Sometimes it would be dogs and sometimes children. We would have to send down the police and broadcast the licence number over the PA System. And there was never a case that it didn't turn out ok.
♫ People caring for people ♫ It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. ♫

Grabbed the fan to look at but then Betty grabbed me to go shopping. So did shopping, lunch and then the fan. Cleaned, oiled and changed the cord. back in business.

I just found out that you can't go swimming in our parks after 10 PM. Last week, some restaurant workers, went for a swim after their shift. (You may have thought skinny dipping but I didn't.) Along came the police and Bingo, a $200. ticket for each of them.  A little bit harsh for the Police, I would say. They could have just told them to leave. After all, we were in a heat wave. The criminals are going to contest this in court. Said that they haden't gotten into the water yet. I suppose the rule is there because of no lifeguards.

♫This summer I swam in a public place
And a reservoir to boot
At the latter I was informal
At the former I wore my suit
I wore my swimming suit ♫

Baby Carrots On The Move

Monday and today's job was to fix the two clothes lines. On one tree, the hook was a bit straightened out, so I replaced that. The other had the hook pulled out of the house. Put the hook back in, caulked it up and put a piece of siding over it. Didn't want any hole left there. Wasps might go in and start something. So with my son's help, job done.

No newspaper today. That means that tomorrows obituary column will be twice as long. Last week I wrote about a coffin sale. I thought that was a rare thing, but I guess it isn't. Because now I hear them advertised on tv. Competation must be getting stiff. (I didn't realize about the last sentence until it was finished.)

Read about this town in Clarkson, Mich. Seems they are getting cash strapped, so they fired the whole police force. That's weird, but it gets weirder. It seems they had a police chief, one full time cop, seven part time cops and some reservists. I guess we won't be wondering why they are cash strapped if the whole town operates that way. And did I mention that the town has a population of 1000.

Someone is outside, continuously blowing the car horn. Better watch out that someone doesn't come along and stuff that horn. The horn has stopped and I did hear a little yell.

What's new on the baby carrot front? It seems that they are pushing baby carrots so that they will appear to be junk food. The 'Eat' Em Like junk Food' campaign hopes to get people excited about them. The Halloween version will be called Scarrots, ideal to give out for trick and treat. Yes, I can see that the kids will be really excited about that. The baby carrots will be packaged like chips and also sold in school vending machines. They want to get people not to think of them as a vegetable. I wonder how long it will take before they screw that up and the carrots will actually be junk food, bearing no resemblence to a vegetable.

Watch That Weiner!

Hurricane gone. The bending of the trees broke one clothes line and the other had the its hook pulled out of the house. So that ripped a bit of siding and tore out some insulation. Now it's a project or should I change it to a problem? Problem it is then.

The leader of the Liberal Party has been doing a bus tour across Canada. That's the guy that looks like Stan Laurel. I guess he is trying to acquaint himself with the country he hopes to run at some point, hoping sooner rather than later. I believe I am right in saying that he has spent the greater part of his life living somewhere else. He is an artsy type of guy, which isn't my cup of tea. Speaking of tea, he lived in England and had an artsy type of late night tv show. I don't know how that tour is working out as I've hardly heard any noise about it. But he is in our neck of the woods now and out newspaper is falling all over themselves to flaunt his presence.

I've posted a photo of a barbacue and his Chefness doing the honours. Don't know what he is trying to say, so I will have to take a stab at it.
"If Harper can do this, so can I."
"Now, which one is the hot dog and which one is the hamburger?
"This is a fork and the other one is a thing."
"Do people really eat these things?"
"I can't figure out how this fits with Champagne."
"I bet my wife is standing behind me, hoping I don't blow it."
"I can feel all the stares but I have to make a decision. That will be something new."
"Wonder if they like my neat jeans?"
"Th NDP Party did this to me. Darn NDP province. I'm taking my weiner and going home."

Armageddon Is At Hand Or Just A Fish Story

I guess we can call this pre-hurricane day. The TV newscasters make such a big issue out of this. You would think it was pre-armageddon. When it gets here, it's only going to be a category 1. Wind and rain, we get it all the time. I would be more concerned if it had snow with it. Watching it on TV, I could see scores of people wheeling out stocked up shopping carts from the grocery stores. You would think starvation was staring them in the face. By the size of some of them, a few days of dieting might do them some good. The biggest thing that surprises me is the people going to the hardware store buying plywood to cover the windows. I've always wondered if people save this plywood or do they just turf it out. As if there will never be another hurricane.

I'm supposed to batten down the hatches. But I'm not a ship so I don't have hatches. I'll have to batten down something else. I guess I can batten down my deck chairs and my garbage cans. Speaking of garbage, Monday is my normal garbage day but it is also a holiday, so they changed it to Saturday, tomorrow, which is hurricane day. I read yesterday that they changed that to next Saturday, which I find a bit on the stupid side since normal garbage day is two days later. Of course the answer is that it has to do with money. Extra money for working on that Sat. We are starting to be like Americans. Common sense does not prevail where money is involved.

Read this article awhile back and it had to do with Atlantic Herring. It seems that herring are getting smarter. Well, what do you expect? They swim around in a school, don't they? People and herring seem to be changing places. In their school, herring are in a learning mode. In our schools, they seem to be trying to get an award for being the most stupid. Back to the herring. It used to be that a net would come along and sweep up the whole school. So they never had a chance to learn anything in school. But one fish must have caught on and told all the rest to swim closer to the floor and the net couldn't get them. Now they all do it. I wonder if this is included in Black Swan Theory?

So do schools of fish have leaders? Like a quarterback or something? They would be peacefully swimming along and then a net appears. "Dive dive, net ahead." It seems to work. I wonder what they will start doing next now that they are getting an education? Maybe they will be lawyers and sue us for ruining their enviroment. Next it could be crows, sueing us for throwing stones at them. Then its worms sueing for cruel and unusual punishment. Fish hooks indeed. This whole thing gives me a bad vibe. The real armageddon. We better start to batten down the hatches.

To Cross-Dress Or Not, That Is The Question?

"Hey Norm!" Everyone knows Norm. Real name, george Wendt. He sat on the colon warmer on the back side of the bar. So, is he just a piece of the furniture or is he an extra? It appears that if you are alive, you're an extra. I wonder if those extras actually say anything to each other or just move their mouth up and down. Anyway, Norm was a special extra. He had lines to say so he gets bumped up to supporting actor. He only had a few lines to say, even though you only need six words, to have a cheque rolling in each month.

So where is Norm now? Well his handprints are at Disney world and he has moved on to greater heights in entertainment. His new Mantra is "If its good enough for Regis, it's good enough for me." He has taken this to heart and is now working out of the Charlottetown Festival. He plays Edna in the Broadway Musical "Hairspray." Yes. I said Edna. I guess Norm has taken up cross dressing. Maybe he classifies himself as a Shakespearean actor. In those days, all women's parts were played by men. If that's the case, he has the wrong idea. But who are we to judge? After all, he may have bar bills to pay. If his next gig is at the Savoy Theatre in Sydney, we know which direction his career is headed.

Turning Over In The Grave

Rumblings of earthquakes and volcanoes lately. But I don't think it's that. I am more inclined to believe its Napoleon and Charles de Gaulle turning over in their graves. You can probably add to that, the untold numbers of English and French soldiers from their hundreds of years of tit for tat or à bon chat, bon rat. When they all roll over at once, voila, an earthquake. And of what am I speaking, do you ask? Well, the new partnership of the English and French navies to stomp about on the same aircraft carrier at the same time on the same day. From the easy chairs of some men's club has come the idea of a joint venture of both countries using the same aircraft carrier to cut down on expenses. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

So! What flag will it be? Both flags up at the same time, or do they take turns on a daily basis? Right of the bat, there will be an arguement. Who gets the first day? And when the sailors come on board and salute the flag, would the French salute an English flag. That would be definate grounds for a tsunami. So lets say they solve those problem and off they go into the wild blue yonder. The crew would all have to speak both languages. Imagine going into battle and the orders are in english and french. "We don't take orders from you limeys." "We don't take orders from you frogs." The war would be over, them at the bottom of the sea and still arguing.

There must be some good points for this. Just think, when they go into a foreign port, they wouldn't be fighting with the locals. They would be fighting with each other. Another good point is that when they go into a port that don't like English, they could borrow French uniforms and vice versa. What about the rum? The French would want rum too. Maybe they would rather have wine.

So I guess the biggest problem would be if the English went to war with someone and the French didn't. Even bigger than that would be if they were on different sides. At least that day, there wouldn't be any earthquakes.

On Facebook: Standing at the counter having a coffee this morning, when I noticed a smile staring at me from a glass of water.

Are You Green Bin Material?

Monday afternoon and a bit on the warm side. With humidity its 37C/98F. I was out in the shed for awhile. My wife needed some soldering done on a ring and then I thought I would sharpen my chainsaw. But the humidity was just too high, so I will get back to that later. Sat on the patio with an ice tea instead.

I was looking in the paper for an article I could poke fun at. Then I remembered an ad I saw the other day. The headline read,"We are extending our offer due to overwhelming response." With an opening gambit like that, it's sure to perk your interest, so I read on. The next line said that I would save the 15% GST. This is looking better, I don't have to pay the tax on it. Wonder what it could be? Maybe pizza, maybe chicken pieces, maybe beer? No, it wouldn't be beer. They don't need a sale on beer. That sells anyway. O.K., my interest is perked, time to read on.

"No Down Payment." This gets better by the sentence. "60 month interest free payment plan." Well, its not going to be a pizza or chicken wings. You wouldn't be paying for 60 months unless you bought the farm. Now I really have to read on, after all, overwhelming response.  What did I say about bought the farm?  I guess I was right there. The ad is for funerals.

Do you really believe they had an overwhelming response? What about the 60 month payment plan? How do they get the money? Do I give them post dated cheques or put it on Mastercard? What if the cheques bounce or there is no money in my account to pay the Mastercard? I'm sure relatives would clean out accounts and cancel cards. Would they dig me up and and stuff me in a green bin on the curb? Then I would be compose for your tomatoes.

I was reading the obituary page when I saw that ad. I should have known then. Nothing good ever comes from reading that page. It always seems to me that everyone I knew was always better off than me and was definately a better person than me. You go through life thinking that you're an average joe. Then you find out by reading everyone else's obituary how below average you really are and maybe the green bin on the curb is what you deserve. The alternative would be to write your own obituary or leave your money to a real good bullshitter.

The Great White North

In my last entry, I picked on our Prime Minister. I decided not to do that again but the next day, when I saw the newspaper, there he was on the front page again. Another glorious photo. This time the PM is stepping off an ice shelf into a rubber dingy with an outboard motor. Now, what's wrong with that photo? Would the item "life jacket" seem like an appropiate piece of outerwear? Now if he slipped on that ice and fell in, not only would he be on CNN and You Tube but also on Americas's Funniest Home Videos. Second thing, do you notice how everyone else is dressed per military? How much imagination does it take to throw on a camouflaged coat?

Take a look at that photo again. Imagine if that piece had broken off. There would have been five of them in the drink. Would we have been able to blame that on somebody? We could blame it on Iceland. They are trying to horn in on out territory. They are small enough that we could smuck them. Then we would get Greenland and we would really be the great white north........I sat back for a minute, thinking about that and I've decided that it's a bad idea. They are in financial trouble and would immediately give in and ask for welfare. We better forget about that. Anyway, it's probably something the Americans have in mind. They like smucking places to get their agenda passed.

O.K. Lets get back on track. What would Obama do? Well, for one thing, he wouldn't be standing on the edge of the ice getting in a rubber dingy. He would be getting into a helicopter that would take him out to submarine. And a band would be playing both national anthems like a hockey game. What would he be wearing, you ask? Well his black suit of course. Just like one of those men in black. Maybe he is one of those men in black. His head opens up and there is a little alien sitting there with big eyes smoking a cigar.

Now, what about Putin? He's a mans man. No, not that kind of man's man. More like Capt. Russia, hero of the republic. He would probably be shot from a cannon, with sword in hand and cape flowing.

So, I guess we agree that PM Harper has to change his image. He could be more like Thor with the big hammer. He could carry a harpoon and we could call him Sgt. Har-poon, leader of the great white north, afraid of no one except the U.S., Russia and China, who would like to have us for lunch. I don't mean invite us to lunch, I mean have us for lunch. But no matter. Every country seems to get a chance to run the world and our turn is coming.

Santa's Choir

Our fearless Prime Minister is busy visiting the igloos up north. There was a time that everyone knew that the North Pole and Santa belonged to Canada. Now everyone wants to own Santa. It seems that a little oil can make a difference to everyone's life. In yesterday's newspaper, there is a photo of the PM and behind him on the wall is a trophy fish. When I first saw it, I thought it was one of those singing fish ornaments. The PM has his hand in the air as if to say,"OK gang, lets hear it for the singing fish." The photographer took great pains to have both of them in the same photo. I looked thru ebay at photos of singing fish and my mind was put at ease because the fish were all pointing in the other direction. But then I thought, if you turn the fish upside down, he then points in the other direction. I think the Liberal or NDP party should bring this up during questioning period. "Mr. Prime Minister, will you come clean with the people of Canada and tell them what tax break you gave to the singing fish?" This could be an election issue. Just think, the Government of Canada brought down by a big mouth bass rather then just by a big mouth.

A Tiger By The Tail Or Somewhere Else

So I guess Tiger Woods is out of the woods so to speak. Divorced and all that. So is he a poorer but wiser man now? Well, poorer but probably not wiser. It does have some good points to it though. He won't have to sneak into the house with his shoes in his hands any longer. That's what probably got him into trouble the last time. He won't have to make any late phone calls, "Honey, I'll be late. A friend and I have a few more balls to play with." And what about nagging? No more nagging about girl friends. You would think that would be over. I know some divorced couples and sometimes that is just the start of nagging. As of now, he can move on to the next blond conquest and candidate for his wallet.

♫ Its Howdy Doody Time, Its Howdy Doody Time ♫
Some can remember that. The guy who wrote the show including that song died the other day. 85 years old. That show was on the air from 1947 till 1960. Guess its not a type of show that calls for reruns. He is also credited with coining the word "kowabunga" which Bart Simpson now lays claim to. That Bart is a bad one. Stealing from Howdy Doody.

Do you remember 'Crocodile Dundee' star Paul Hogan? He is from Australia but now lives in the U.S. Well, I guess he owes a very large tax bill to Australia. But in a American TV interview last year, Hogan, 70, vowed that the taxman would not get a penny more of his money and added: ‘Come and get me, you miserable b******s.’ Then what happens? His mother dies and he goes home for the funeral. The Australian Taxation Office immediately issued him with a Departure Prohibition Order, which prevents him leaving the country until the alleged tax debt is paid or settled. Hope he brought some clean changes of underwear.

Just back from my two mile walk. Black clouds started rolling in, so when I got half way, I turned around and came back. That still counts for two miles doesn't it?

Facebook entry for today: Grrrh! ... My wife got to the newspaper first and now I have to straighten it out.

Friendship Lost and Found

Tuesday morning as we move thru summer. Still staying warm. I had a couple of visitors on Sunday evening. A friend I haven't seen since 1962 and his wife. We drag raced, chased girls and joined the air force together. He didn't make a career of it as I did and he went to St. Catherines, Ont. Ended up having a career with General Motors from which he retired about ten yrs. ago. His wife was a school teacher. Seeing him after all these years was a total surprise. And how did he find out where I lived? The power of the internet. In June, when I was reading the obituary column on line in The Cape Breton Post, I saw that his older brother had died. So I did one of those on line condolances. And voila, there I was. What was really surprising was that one of his daughters has lived near the airport for the past twelve years. He visits her every year and he was only twenty min. away from me. But as they say, better late than never. Anyway, we had a great chat over beer and I'll probably see him in a couple of weeks. He has a summer home in Cape Breton.

Do you remember that reporter from Rolling Stone magazine that was imbedded with the troops and gave out all that poop from the General? Well, he asked to be embedded with the troops again. That's not going to happen. His trust level would be zero now. Pretty stupid for one byline. I guess chasing ambulances should be his next beat.

I read that Justin Bieber is putting out his memoirs. Can you imagine that? Sixteen years old and having memoirs? I've spent more time in the washroom. And of course, someone would have to write it for him.

Did you know that women, low income wage earners are the most likely to get diabetes. I guess the bottom line for that is the purchase of junk food.

I saw that the Prime Minister was here last week. In Canada, that sort of thing is hardly noticeably. Now in the U.S., it's on CNN when the President goes to the bathroom. Down there, they are celebrities. I know what he is supposed to do on his job but he seems to spend more more time in front of the camera than anywhere else. Come to think of it, I don't know who is worse, Obama or Putin. Putin's antics are like a joke. Baring his chest and flexing his muscles. Capt. America on "The View" and Capt Russia riding his motorbike up Mount Everest. Get the full story tonight on CNN. Watch our heroes in action. Blah, blah, blah.

I saw something funny this morning. It was a full page showing children's fashions for school. They are the same clothes kids wore when I went to school. But then they wore them because they couldn't afford anything else. But now they pay a fortune to look like Raggity Ann and Andy. You know, I bet you could buy clothes at the Salvation Army Store and be a fashion Guru at school.

From Vegetable Oil To Wine Corks

I was adding some more magazine ads to my on-line library when I came across one for Wesson Vegetable Oil. What surprised me the most about this ad was its information on cholesterol. And this was in 1959. Some research told me that it was first discovered in 1769 and over the years there would be this and that about it. In 1964 a couple of guys got the Nobel Prize for discovering how it worked. In 1985 another Nobel Prize for someone who found out how it could be regulated. Almost immediately they started working on a drug, which became Lipitor launched in 1997. When I saw the ad I thought Wesson should have been given a prize too but then I saw what they were cooking in the oil. Hamburgers!

Here's a link to the ad http://oldmagazineads.blogspot.com/2010/08/1959-wesson-vegetable-oil-magazine-ad.html

Opened up a bottle of wine the other day and the cork reminded me what I read about corks. We should have more respect for corks. Cork comes from a tree found only in spain and Portugal. It's like bark and they peel it off. First it has to grow for nine years, then they peel it and can be three inches thick. Now they have to wait for another nine years to do it again. So it is renewable. I saw a cork tree when I was in Spain. This one was way out in the countryside and wasn't being used, so the cork had split. Remember the next time you open a wine bottle with a cork. It took nine years to get there.

Raising A Stink Over Stink

The title means exactly what it says. We're talking about biosolids. Fancy name for poop eh? This newspaper arguement has been going on all week. You do know what biosolids are, don't you? Its raw sewage, treated and then used as compose. Now this reminds me of the time I was stationed in West Germany. (It's hard to imagine a place called West Germany.) The farmers put raw sewage on the fields. And that was untreated. Anyone living there in that era can remember driving behind a Honeywagon.

It seems that we have been putting this poop on farm lands around Nova Scotia for quite awhile now. This practice has never reached my ears or my nose possibly because of the lack of complaints. But it appears that the city has made a boo boo and used some of the poo poo along city streets. And what made it worse was the fact that they used it in what we would call a more high class area. It used to be thee high class area but over the years has fallen down a few notches. The use of poo poo won't be bringing them up any time soon. So, I guess if you are better off, your complaints are better heard.

What do they suggest we do about it? They say we should burn it. Can N.S. Power use this instead of oil? If they did, the price of power should come down. We want to be paid for our poop. But that might cause more air polution and we don't need that. We can't put it in the ocean. The whales might start sprouting wings or something. So I guess the best thing to do is fix it up so it don't smell bad and sell it at Wal-Mart as compose for your garden.

Went for my walks the last few days. Changed the route yesterday and went thru a wooded area, along a lake filled with ducks and ended up at a tourist farm. There I patted two goats on the head. Do you know we have 27 lakes? Humidity too high for anything too strenuous unless you include adding to the biosolids.